


Little By Little

by SuperBlondie



Series: Real People Who Pissed Off Demons (And Paid for It) [4]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Demons, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Demon!Luhan, Demon!Yifan, Demon!Yixing, Dubious Consent, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Fluff, Implied/Referenced Sex, Lots of Angst, M/M, References to Depression, Sad with a Happy Ending, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Supernatural - Freeform, The sex is offscreen but still, references to mental illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-02 09:31:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 37,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17261786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperBlondie/pseuds/SuperBlondie
Summary: Minseok goes home with a stranger one night. He wakes up the next morning with a bite on his neck and his world ripped to pieces.





	1. Violation

**Author's Note:**

> READ ME! Okay so lets get into this! This fic is very dark emotionally, Minseok goes through a lot emotionally and it takes him to some very low, very dark places. I don't want to spoil too much, so if you think that anything mentioned in the tags is going to be an issue for you, please go to the end notes!!! 
> 
> Also know that I am really, really bad with interpersonal conflict! I, personally, struggle to settle issues with other people, especially if either person is very upset/hurt. I'm really, really sorry if the conflict resolution in this fic isn't as realistic as it should be, but this was me exploring conflict resolution and I feel like I came out of this fic better than I was before. 
> 
> So thank you all so so so much for reading and especially if you've been here since DAR!!! I hope this 4th installment is just as good!
> 
> As always, thank you [Aarushi](https://twitter.com/AarushiC_18) for being the best beta! She's still betaing the last two chapters, so wish her good luck!! (becuase I am a MESS unbetaed asldjfsjl)

**To: Myeonie**

_Going to check out that new club in the city. Black Pearl, I think? Ill let u know how it goes. Maybe ill take u and Baek there and we can have a dude’s night out_

_This place is really really cool, kind of a weird ancient-modern Chinese kinda thing_

_Holy fuck, Junmyeon, I think I just met the hottest guy on the planet. Brb, gonna go see if he’s gay_

_He is and he wants to fuck me. God bless America._

_Looks really familiar too_

Minseok doesn’t even get the guy’s name until they’re riding the elevator up to his apartment. "I should probably introduce myself," the man says, leaning back against the elevator wall, "I'm Luhan." It would all seem very smooth and casual if it weren’t for the way Luhan is practically vibrating out of his skin, eyes darting to the slowly increasing floor numbers and back.

Minseok tilts his head in thought. He's heard that name before. He _knows_ he's heard that name before. "Do you know Byun Baekhyun? Or Zhang Baekhyun? I don't know what he goes by between friends."

"I am very familiar with Baekhyun," Luhan sighs, "He’s been torturing me since the dawn of time." Luhan smiles but his gaze drops to the floor, like it's a joke Minseok doesn't understand. Or maybe Luhan's just one of those people who get shy when they smile? Junmyeon's like that sometimes. "I'm guessing you were the one he was trying to set me up on a date with?"

Minseok nods. He's a little surprised that he didn't recognize Luhan. He seemed a little familiar, but more of a ‘seen him on the street once’ familiar than a ‘friend tried to set them up and showed him pictures’ familiar. Of course, the few pictures he'd seen were grainy and shaky, a product of sneaky photography probably.

"Baekhyun never actually told me who he was trying to set me up on a date with. He said it was a surprise. And it was, because you never showed up." He remembers that night. Junmyeon had asked him to come over and meet Zitao, not that Minseok could see him at that point. He doesn't regret ditching the date because Junmyeon comes first, Junmyeon always comes first. And it made meeting Zitao in fully human form the next morning a bit easier to take.

"Yeah," Minseok shrugs, "my best friend needed me." Luhan nods in understanding and it's a little endearing.

Minseok remembers the smirking, vicious man that settled a few seats down at the bar and tries to figure out how he had turned into this sweetheart. He had turned down four other people before Minseok worked up the nerve to talk to him, terrifying and hot with the red and purple lights reflecting off his hair and eyes. Luhan had looked all the others up and down before sending them away with a smug twist of his lips; Minseok had fully expected the same reaction, was prepared to bow out gracefully and find someone else to talk to. Instead, Minseok walked up to him and his jaw dropped. He introduced himself and the man smiled wide, calling him beautiful and asking if he could interest Minseok in a drink or in accompanying him home.

Minseok found himself in Luhan's car a few minutes later with the man's hand on his. The man had asked about his life, what he did for a living, what his favorite colors and foods were. Just sincere interest in him as a person. It was sweet, if a little weird, and made him feel special. He'd tried to return the favor, but Luhan barely let him get a word in that wasn’t answering a question. A little overzealous, but not off-putting.

The elevator dings and the doors slide open to Luhan's penthouse and Minseok's jaw drops. He's heard of penthouses, seen them in movies and on TV, but he's never actually been in one. It’s just as gorgeous as the movies make them out to be. Open and pretty and almost too nice for Minseok to feel comfortable being around. There’s always something a little discomfiting about being around things that scream _money._ The decor is a little too monochrome for him, but not everyone enjoys pastels like he does and that’s fine. It’s still beautiful, sleek and modern like a fashion magazine.

Minseok’s eyes are drawn to the windows though, directly across from the open elevator doors and giant. Even from where he’s standing he can see how pretty the night sky looks from this high up. He’s always been a little scared of heights – falling. No one is actually scared about being up high, they’re scared of falling down. But he wants to press his nose to the glass and look down and see what the world looks like from above.

Not that he gets a chance to. Minseok is barely able to take a few steps into the apartment, elevator doors nearly closing on his ass, before Luhan is hauling him in by his belt loops and kissing the oxygen out of his lungs.

It’s been a while since someone has kissed him like they want him. Not just someone who will kiss them back, not just someone who will fill the void, but _him._ Luhan kisses him like he’d rather die than stop and it makes his heart skip and his stomach burn with want. So Minseok kisses Luhan back and loses himself in the feeling.

* * *

 

It feels much too early and much too late when Minseok wakes up to the sound of a door closing. It shocks him out of an odd dream that he can only remember as mayonnaise and leaves him disoriented. He wakes up disoriented most days though. He's heard that some people can wake up in the morning and just exist. There's no period of adjustment back to reality. Minseok's not sure if he pities or envies those people; they get to wake up and not blink stupidly at the ceiling until their brains come online but he saw a giant blue talking crab one morning while he was in that tilted-floaty headspace and it was possibly one of the craziest moments of his life.

There is no giant crab this time. This disorientation is not what he's used to, a little like he's in one of those perception rooms with a slanted floor and he's gently walking his way back to flat ground. Instead he feels like he's in the tilted room and someone has come and turned the whole room upside down for the thrill of it and now he has to claw his way back to the door.

His brain is still wrapped up in layers of sleep and an exhaustion so heavy that Minseok could probably fall asleep again if he let himself. He feels slow, like he's been dipped in molasses and told to run a marathon. It feels like it takes him hours to even remember that this isn't his apartment.

And this isn't his apartment. This is _Luhan's_ apartment and Minseok just woke up in his bed after getting fucked out of his mind. Which wouldn't be a bad place to be if he weren't alone in Luhan's bed. He prefers to leave his one night stands a little more courteously, maybe an awkward morning after breakfast or something because Luhan is sweet and Minseok would like to get to know him a little better.

It stings that Luhan left him here to wake up by himself and, presumably, get dressed and leave without a goodbye. It stings a lot, more than it should seeing as the first thing Luhan said to him was about taking him home for sex. It stings _way_ more than it should. It physically hurts and there's something objectively wrong about that.

Probably because the sting is actually coming from his shoulder and Minseok gasps in pain as his brain finally starts rebooting in full and the pain hits him like a runaway train. " _Jesus Christ_ ," he yells. And it echoes off the walls, bouncing around the room. It feels good to yell. There was a study done about how yelling makes pain easier to cope with or something. Minseok hopes that study is getting replicated soon, because he's ready to become their very first volunteer.

He claps his hand over his neck where he thinks the pain is coming from and fire shoots up and down his spine. Not the hot kind, but the burning, painful kind that makes him yank his own hand away.

His hand comes back tacky with half-dried blood. Minseok does his very, very best to not panic. It's much, much harder than it looks.

"What the fuck," he whispers, "what happened last night?" He could've fallen off the bed, maybe landed on his shoulder wrong. But it doesn't feel like a bruise and it’s certainly not a break or a dislocation. And none of those things bleed. It could be a cut, there's the same lingering pain torn skin tends to produce. But what could have cut him? The headboard?

Minseok reaches with his good shoulder to feel at the headboard. It's all smooth edges and no corners for him to cut himself on.

He touches his shoulder again again and whimpers in pain. What the fuck did Luhan do to him?

_"Fuck, I'm gonna come," Minseok groans and shudders when he feels Luhan smile against his neck. Luhan's hips stutter and it feels like he's close too. Good, Minseok feels like he can barely breathe from the intensity and determination of Luhan's thrusts as is. He can't imagine the ungodly overstimulation if Luhan was ready to keep going after he came._

_"Come for me. I wanna see, I bet you're so beautiful." Minseok whines and Luhan keeps urging him to come, wrapping a hand around his cock and pushing him that much closer to the edge. Minseok can feel it coming like a wave on the beach, can see it rolling in and tries to figure out how hard it's going to hit him._

_And then he comes, shaking apart, and Luhan keeps telling him how good he is through it, how happy he is that Minseok came. It's confusing but sweet and Minseok has a weird moment of coherency when he decides that confusing but sweet seems to fit Luhan well._

_And then he can feel Luhan start to bite down on his shoulder as he crashes through his own orgasm. It's fine for a second. Minseok's coming down and he knows some people are self-conscious of the noises they make so if Luhan needs to give him an odd hickey to feel better about himself then that's okay. But Luhan keeps biting down harder and harder until he breaks skin._

A bite. Minseok growls because this much pain means Luhan must have bitten deep into the muscle of his shoulder and that is unhygienic and is probably going to scar. He doesn't understand why Luhan thought it was alright to actually bite him in the first place, but maybe his parents missed the mark on teaching him not to scar other human beings.

Luhan seems a little less endearing than he did before. It's better to ask for permission, not for forgiveness. Minseok has never been good at forgiving.

He needs to go see the bite and decide how to treat it. He might actually need to go see a doctor for it if it looks as bad as it feels. And it feels pretty awful.

Minseok knows that he needs roll off the bed and find some sort of mirror now. It's a simple task, getting out of bed and walking to the nearest reflective surface. Minseok can't seem to find the energy to do much more than tug his blanket a little higher and yawn. Which is precisely what he shouldn't do. Minseok can't – can _not_ fall back asleep.

It would be so easy though. He could just press his face into the pillow and sleep for few more hours. The light shining through the curtains is gentle enough to mean it can't be that late in the morning and a few more hours won't hurt. They won't really matter all that much. Not that he's ever been one for mornings anyway.

No. He needs to see to his shoulder. He _needs_ to get out of this bed and take care of himself. The blood was tacky and well on its way to drying but that doesn't mean all the bleeding's stopped. He has no way of knowing if Luhan cleaned it up or if the man's saliva and all the germs that it's bound to hold are still in the wound. It doesn't take a doctor to know that mixing germs and open wounds together is bad. But Minseok _is_ a doctor and he knows that saliva is disgusting and full of microbes. If Luhan didn't clean his shoulder and left it to fester overnight – Minseok doesn't want to think about the risk of infection.

Rolling to the side of the bed takes a monumental amount of effort. Minseok has to stop to catch his breath, partly from the pain that has tears burning the back of his eyes and partly from the sheer exhaustion weighing him down like lead. The routine soreness in the low of his back is paltry, not even a blip on his radar compared to the fatigue that aches throughout his entire body.

"Got to the edge of the bed," he pants, "just have to stand up and walk to the bathroom. Fighting exhaustion is a lot easier than fighting a staph infection that close to my heart and spine." Minseok tries to talk himself through pushing himself upright, but his arms keep giving way.

He tries again and again and again, only to fall back onto the mattress each time. His arms shake the moment he puts weight on him and soon he's too tired to even get them underneath him to try again. The soft mattress doesn't help either. It refuses to give him anything to push off from. He allows himself a moment of rest and tries not to let the frustration, exhaustion, and pain make him stupid.

He simply has to think. He graduated top of his class; he's the only one of his friends that would survive a horror movie. There's always a way through. Minseok takes a deep breath and flexes his fingers and toes. His _toes_ , which are attached to his feet which are in turn attached to his legs.

Minseok forces his arms to hold him up one more time until he can pull his knees underneath him. Then it's simply a matter of throwing his weight back and he's upright. He's never been so proud of himself as he is in this moment, proud enough that the pain fades to the background and he has a few seconds of sweet, sweet relief.

Something white catches his eye. He must have rolled to Luhan's side of the bed; this nightstand has a phone charger and an alarm clock and a picture of – Minseok can't believe that Baekhyun has pushed Yixing into a lake and lived, much less that Luhan managed to get a picture of it. Yifan is missing, but Junmyeon said he's been stuck in the house since at least Zitao's death in the sixties and this picture is maybe ten years old. Either way, Minseok's taking a picture of it as soon as he finds his phone and sending it to Junmyeon.

In front of the picture is a neatly folded paper rectangle with _Minseok_ written on it in pretty, loopy handwriting. It reminds him a little of the calligraphy his aunt used to do. Minseok grabs it off the nightstand, praying that his arms won't give out on him as he balances half on the bed half on the nightstand.

When he settles back and starts unfolding the paper, he realizes that the pain is gone. His body is still sore and aching from fatigue, but his shoulder is perfectly numb. He knows he's being an idiot, poking the bear, but he reaches up and gently presses against a scab with one finger; it aches, but there are no sharp knives of agony clawing up and down his spine.

It defies all logic and sense. Minseok knows better, but he doesn't question it. No pain means he doesn't have to expend any extra energy to move or think. Energy is something he has in short supply, he'd like to conserve as much as he can.

The letter is short. Most of the space is taken up by the fancy curls of each letter. Minseok would hire Luhan to do his wedding invitations, if he ever has a wedding and doesn't die of a staph infection.

_Minseok-_

_If you're awake and I'm gone, don't worry. I went out to get breakfast and I'll be back soon. Rest as much as you need to. There are clothes at the foot of the bed. I left the remote to the TV nearby if you get bored. Also, do not bother the bite. I've cleaned it twice already and it’s still tender._

_Love, Luhan_

He has a few fleeting memories of something wet passing over his neck. It's heavily fogged out by sleep, but he remembers whining and shoving weakly at a body hovering over him, of being hushed and falling back asleep.

At least Luhan took responsibility and cleaned the bite. Not that that excuses him from biting Minseok in the first place. It was rude and truly left him feeling a little violated. It's always kind to ask about the other person's kinks before going ahead with one's own. If Luhan comes back before Minseok decides to catch a bus home, Minseok's going to tear him a new asshole for it.

Minseok appreciates the clothing though. He's still completely naked and if his memories are serving him right, his clothes from last night are in the entryway, too far for him to walk at the moment. He reaches back and grabs the first piece of fabric he touches, tugging the sweater over his head.

The bite stings when the fabric slides over it and he bites back a hiss. Work is going to be a nightmare this week and his idea of getting to know Luhan better is seeming less and less realistic by the second.

The pants Luhan left out for him are pajama bottoms. He wonders if the other man expected him to stay in bed for the day; maybe if he wasn't currently in pain and worrying about the bite on his neck he would. But there are very few things he wants _less_ right now than to stay in bed and wait for Luhan.

Minseok nearly topples off the bed trying to fight the pants on. He doesn't want to risk lying down again in case he gets too tired to push himself back up; he's nervous about his legs supporting him long enough to walk too. He's never been this tired before, not even after the marathons he used to run. His muscles are very clear about how much work they'd like to do and that is absolutely none. "Too bad," Minseok tells his legs as he sits on the edge of the bed and works up the nerve to stand.

"I'm counting on you two." His legs wobble but they don't give out and Minseok scurries to the open bathroom door as fast as he can. It's a little like balancing a scale. The faster he moves, the more tired his legs are but the closer he is to using the bathroom counter as a crutch.

Minseok makes it and leans his entire weight against the bathroom counter, panting like he's just finished six marathons in a row. "Good work, legs, this is why you're my favorite limbs." He messes with the row of light switches, most of which he's convinced are there for show, until the bathroom light comes on and he can get a good look at himself in the mirror.

He looks horrible, pale and exhausted. He looks like he got fucked last night, but not in the glowing, skip in his step way. It's more like he got fucked within an inch of his life and is still hanging on to that last inch. He's going to nap for at least eight hours when he gets home. He deserves it.

Minseok forces himself to look away from the dark circles under his eyes and looks down to his shoulders. The bite is far enough down his neck to be covered by the sweater. It won't let him forget it, throbbing whenever the cloth shifts or if he breathes a little too deeply. He may have to raid a medicine cabinet for painkillers soon.

He hooks a finger into the collar of the sweater and tugs it down. The bite is scabbed over, thirty-two scabs on his skin in a ring.

Minseok stomach drops.

_"I think it's pretty," Baekhyun says and slips few fingers under the collar of his shirt, "I used to have a lot of scars before and I hated them but thinking of myself without the bite just doesn't feel right. I look at it and it reminds me of how much I'm loved, you know?" Minseok just shrugs. He can see it in a way. There's a sense of ownership there that bothers him but it's a concrete, irreversible sign that Baekhyun and Yixing are meant to be together._

_He's only seen the ring of thirty-two perfect impressions of Yixing's teeth once but it's unmistakably supernatural. Normal bites aren't that perfect, that well-preserved in skin._

Minseok nearly trips and slams his head into the nightstand, sprinting across the room to grab the picture frame. It's at least ten years old, maybe, _probably_ , much older. So why is someone who looks like he's Minseok's age hanging out with people who would've looked at least ten years his senior? Luhan would've been fifteen, sixteen at the oldest, and yet there's so much familiarity in the photo. Familiarity that comes from friendships that last lifetimes.

Bile rises in the back of his throat and he has to drop the photo and press the heels of his palms against his eyes to stop the tears. He's such an _idiot._ Minseok feels deceived, violated, foolish – no one is that intense about someone they just met without something under the surface urging them on.

Luhan is a _demon_. Luhan bit him and didn't even tell him who he was. Luhan can't just _do_ this to him, claim him like an object or piece of land, and not even tell him what's going on. His shoulder _aches_ and he wants to scream at it that it's not his fault. He didn't know – he didn’t know.

Minseok needs to go home. _No._ He needs to go to Junmyeon, the only person he can trust apparently. Baekhyun knew Luhan was a demon and tried to set him up anyway. Did he know that Luhan would do this?

He puts the picture back and stumbles out of the bedroom, legs screaming for him to stop. He ignores it and forces each step, one right after the other. If he stops now he's not sure he'll be able to make himself start again. Inertia, what is is in motion will stay in motion.

Minseok's clothes are folded on the kitchen island, a nice and neat pile with his phone just off to the side. He leaves everything but his wallet and phone, shoving his feet into his shoes haphazardly. Everything else is a non-essential. He needs to _leave_. Maybe he’ll get his clothes back, maybe he won’t. It doesn’t matter to him either way.

The elevator doors close and Minseok wants to be relieved. He is relieved, underneath the pain that makes his vision blur and breath catch in his throat. Baekhyun never mentioned it _hurt_ this bad. He feels like he can’t breathe. Minseok braces himself against the elevator wall and forces himself to keep standing. He doesn’t have a choice. There’s no way out but through.

At least he manages to walk upright when the elevator dings and opens up to the lobby, only a few people stop to look as he walks by on the way to the bus stop. The doorman makes some comment about the flu and wishes him a good walk to the pharmacy.

If he was just on a walk to the pharmacy, his life would be a million times better. Instead, Minseok shuffles his way onto an A line bus. The driver lets him on for free, gently directing him to the seat behind her and asking if he needs to go to the hospital. “No,” he says, “‘m fine.” Minseok is decidedly not fine. He thought he was slow before, but ten stops go by in the time it takes him to remember that Junmyeon’s house is two blocks away from the bus stop.

The farther the bus drives away, the worse the pain in his shoulder gets. The bite throbs with each beat of his heart. He reaches up to touch it once and it’s burning hot under his fingers. He picks at the scabs in a slow, confused panic; it hurts enough to make him cry but he can’t stop. Minseok picks at the scabs but they don’t give.

The momentum runs out and it starts to get hard to hold his arm up. He rests his head against the back of the seat and breathes.

“This is your stop, dear,” the bus driver shakes him awake and helps him out of his seat. He mumbles something in thanks and stumbles off the bus. He forces one foot in front of the other. Two blocks to Junmyeon’s house. He just has to walk the two blocks to Junmyeon’s house and he’ll be safe.

* * *

“I put your clothes on the right side of the closet and your boss responded an hour ago and asked to let him know when you’re feeling better,” Luhan says as he sits down on the recliner. Minseok eats half a sandwich. It’s a sad excuse for the breakfast he missed running from Luhan and the lunch he missed sleeping on the couch, but it’s something. Minseok is still on the couch, a blanket from his apartment wrapped around his shoulders.

He feels minutely better. There’s still a haze around his thoughts, that syrupy thick fog of exhaustion still hanging over him like cloud. Everything is slow to him, even his own thoughts, his own body. Luhan had to help him sit up when he brought in the sandwich and that had done very little to make him feel better. His body seems to have forgotten that it managed to get all the way to Junmyeon’s house now that Luhan is constantly hovering and helping with every little thing.

Minseok hates it. He hates when Luhan touches him and he hates that the bite only stops aching when the demon is taking care of it. It even stings when he touches it now. His body is a traitor and Minseok is trapped inside of it. Trapped in his own body, trapped in this apartment. He can’t even appreciate the sunlight streaming in from the windows because he _hates_ this apartment now.

Luhan doesn’t even seem to notice. If he does, he doesn’t say anything. He just keeps reorganizing Minseok’s things alongside his own, like Minseok plans on staying longer than it takes for him to heal.

Minseok wants to hate Luhan. He does, in a way. Luhan had no right to deceive him like he did. No right. But he did and now Minseok feels like someone ripped him open and took all his vulnerabilities and strung them out for the world to see. Found all his buttons and played them like piano keys. He wants to hide in a locked room where no one can get to him.

If Minseok is entirely honest, the anger is just something to keep him going, a mask for the storm raging in his chest. But it’s easier than dealing with what’s actually eating him from the inside out so he’s going to ride the anger until it dies. But he can’t do that either. If he does, he might just explode. So he bottles everything up instead and lets it put miles and miles between him and Luhan.

“It’s almost late enough for dinner if you’re still hungry. I’d bet that a sandwich isn’t going to do shit since you haven’t eaten since yesterday.”

Luhan acts like Minseok’s here of his own free will. Like he _wants_ to be here. He's only here until he can get through the day on his own. He just has to remain passive, a blank face that feels nothing. He won’t let Luhan see him cry.

He won’t let Luhan have even an ounce more of power over him. Luhan has so much control here. It's his space, his territory. And Minseok knows it's archaic and primal but he hates that he's not on his own territory. There's just something powerful in being the master of the space.

Luhan has the upper hand here, has had the upper hand since he was created and since he decided it wasn't Minseok's choice. And Minseok feels powerless. He feels so powerless. There's nothing he can do to stop Luhan; he can barely keep his eyes open, protecting himself is a non-starter. But if he focuses on that, the walls start to close in and his lungs freeze in his chest. So he grabs hold of righteous, deserved anger and lets it fill his heart and soul until he doesn't have room for the fear and the hurt. He keeps his face neutral and disconnected and makes sure Luhan doesn’t see his pain.

It's not for Luhan to see; he’s taken enough already.

"I'm fine," Minseok says, curt and short and so venomous it burns his tongue, "Don't worry about it." He’s not Luhan’s to worry about.

And Luhan just pouts and tilts his head like a lost puppy. Like Minseok is the one at fault, the one that put them in this position.

Baekhyun has sent roughly six thousand texts attempting to explain everything but all Minseok can understand is that Luhan didn't _have_ to bite him last night. According to Baekhyun, Mark and Jackson were together for _three years_ before Mark decided he was ready.

And Minseok is _so fucking mad_.

If it was something Luhan couldn't control, if it was a behavior sequence like with squirrels and nuts. If seeing Minseok had triggered some sort of unbreakable, uncontrollable chain of events, then maybe he'd understand. But it didn't and he doesn't. Luhan had full control of himself, of what he did or did not tell Minseok. Of what they did or did not do. It would have been so easy for Luhan to tell Minseok what he was, what they were.

From what Minseok has been told, whatever powers decide these matches make the humans a little more accepting of the strange than most. Baekhyun is nearly as strange as Yixing and Minseok would bet actual money that there was something pushing Junmyeon and Yifan together. And Minseok already knew about demons, not that Luhan knew it, but he knew and he would've understood.

If he’s honest, he probably would’ve still gone home with Luhan even if he had known. Minseok thought he was handsome and he was unfailingly sweet most of the night. He liked Luhan as much as he could like anyone he had just met; he liked him enough to go home with him. Maybe not enough to commit himself to Luhan for forever, but enough to think about it. He would’ve thought about it if he’d known. He just wanted the _choice_.

Still, he can't think about it. It makes the worst kind of pain well up in his chest and threaten to eat him alive when he does.

"Is the bite bothering you again? I've heard it can be a bit sore, let me look at it.” Luhan reaches to pull at the collar of Minseok's sweater and Minseok flops onto his side as casually as he can. He tries to make it seem like he didn’t even notice Luhan reaching for him, that he just wanted to lie down again, injured shoulder pressed into the couch cushions. The bite aches. "Minseok, let me look at it again. Please? It'll feel better if you let me."

Minseok would rather suffer. “I’m _fine._ ”

Luhan doesn't push. Doesn't come and turn Minseok back over like they both know he could so he can soothe the bite. Thank god for small miracles. A few seconds tick by in tense, uncomfortable silence. And then, because Luhan seems to find it unbearable, “Do you want anything to eat, Minnie-”

“Minseok.”

“What?”

“My name is Minseok. Don’t call me Minnie.” He doesn’t have the right to call him _Minnie._ That’s for the people Minseok loves. That’s for the people who love him. It’s not for Luhan to use.

"Not a fan of pet names then? That's fine, whatever you want." Luhan sounds so calm. He sounds utterly serene, like having Minseok on his couch is enough to keep his world spinning around. A hand settles in Minseok's hair and he flinches, muscles pulling hard enough to make the bite scream with pain. Luhan pull his hand back just as fast though. "I'll just go make dinner. The TV remote is on the coffee table if you want it. Your phone's there too."

Minseok nods but keeps his face to the couch cushions. Couch cushions can’t tell when his eyes screw shut. Couch cushions don’t know what tears are. The couch cushions are just there to support him and give him a place to hide his pain. They’ve done more for him than Luhan already.

Luhan doesn’t get to see him cry though, so Minseok forces back the tears and sets up a wall between him in this moment and the him inside. He doesn’t have the luxury of having feelings at the moment. Minseok refuses to let himself hurt when someone else can see.

Minseok doesn't mean to, but he falls asleep again. He's just too tired. One heartbeat, he's fully alert and staring at the couch cushion. The next, Luhan is gently shaking him awake and easing him upright with a hand on between his shoulders. Minseok is groggy, a little disoriented, and he can't find the frame of mind to jerk away. Luhan smiles brightly and places a plate of food in his lap.

There's a hollow echo of happiness in his chest, like someone is yelling into the void of his ribs and letting the sound bounce around. It's not his own happiness, that is undeniable. Minseok feels it anyway.

"Jackson said that Mark's stomach was sensitive for the first few days. This should be fine though." Minseok stays silent. Partly because his brain is having trouble forming words and partly because he simply doesn't want to talk. "Do you need help?"

Minseok's arms twitch when he tells them to move and get food to his mouth. The muscles fight him viciously. But he forces them to move and block the demon's hand when it goes to take the fork off the plate. "I'm fine. I can do it."

Luhan scoffs. "Your body is exhausted. Let me feed you and give your arms a rest," Luhan settles on the free edge of the couch beside his legs. It takes all of Minseok's self-control not to kick him off. "There's no shame in needing help." There is though. In this moment, in this situation, there is. Every time Minseok fails to do something on his own or lets Luhan coddle him the way the demon wants, he gives up what little power he has left. His control over his body is tenuous, but it's all he has.

"I said I'm fine," Minseok tries to swallow down the acid on his tongue but it seeps into the words all the same. Luhan sighs but doesn't move. Minseok debates pulling his legs away; it would put space between them but the demon might think he's welcome on the couch. "I can eat on my own. I'm not helpless."

"I never said you were."

Minseok doesn't respond. There's nothing more to say, not to him. Anything more Minseok might say would just be caustic, pouring gasoline on a fire and praying it doesn't burn him. And so, silence. Minseok's arms cooperate after a few moments and he eats – slowly, but he eats. It's ridiculous, but he hates how good it tastes.

"You wanna pick something to watch," Luhan asks after he returns from dumping their dishes in the sink. "Whatever you want." Minseok shrugs. "Nothing? You really don't care?" Minseok shrugs again and it feels a little vindictive. He feels a burst of satisfaction in his chest when Luhan huffs out a breath through his nose and clenches his jaw.

"Fine, I'll pick something." _Something_ turns out to be some awful reality show with plots so predictable it gives him a headache. He could write something better with ten minutes and a typewriter with only one working key.

Luhan seems to know how much he hates it too. The demon keeps glancing at him from the loveseat and smirking. If he thinks Minseok will break and ask for the remote, he's a fool. Minseok tunes out the shrill voices and cheesy soundtrack and focuses on the bite instead. It throbs softly in sync with his heartbeat, a dull pain that doesn't break through his awareness unless he goes looking.

It's a blessing compared to before.

When a commercial break hits, Minseok starts to leverage himself off the couch with the aid of gravity and rested legs. Luhan is right there though, hands under his arms to pull him up and steady him. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just getting a bath." Minseok tips himself backwards out of Luhan's arms and smiles when his legs stay strong underneath him.

"Do you want help?"

" _No_ ," Minseok snaps. It comes out harsher than it was meant to and yet not harsh enough. "I'm fine."

Luhan steps away and narrows his eyes, arms folding over his chest. "You seem to be saying that a lot without actually meaning it." Minseok wants to scream. As if he has any right to be angry when he's the reason they're in this position in the first place. "If you're not fine, you can tell me. I'm here for you."

Minseok lets out a hollow laugh. Here for him like a grim reaper, he's sure. There's no comfort to be found with Luhan, only a chest-crushing helplessness. "I am fine. Don't worry about me." He steps around Luhan and ignores how his shoulder burns.

"I'll start the water for you, at least." And then he hears a faucet turn on in the bathroom. Minseok's blankets floats off of his shoulders and folds into a neat little square in front of his face.

Luhan breezes by him with a smile, "Telekinesis. Didn't mean to frighten you." It's a joke, there's too much amusement dancing in his eyes for it not to be. But it doesn't feel like joke. It feels like a threat – a _promise._ It reminds him that he has no idea what Luhan is capable of, how little control he has. It's the most vulnerable he's ever been in his entire life.

Minseok slams the bathroom door closed and locks it, choking on terrified tears and stripping down with shaky hands. Luhan calls for him outside the door and he shoves it out his mind.

Out of sight, out of mind. If he can keep himself from remembering who's waiting for him outside the door, maybe the tremors will stop. The faucet shuts off by itself and Minseok wonders how strong Luhan’s telekinesis is to move things he can’t see.

The bathwater is warm and Minseok sinks in up to his chin. The heat leeches out some of the ache from his shoulder and leaves him in a quiet, peaceful world. It feels like a different time, a different universe. For as long as he’s in this odd little bubble, he can pretend that the clock has turned back and he’s not so vulnerable and helpless. He can pretend that he actually _wants_ to be here. He drags his fingers through the water and lets himself imagine a now that isn’t so awful. A now where happiness doesn’t seem so far out of reach.

The water eventually turns cold. Minseok is shivering before he even realizes that he’s just been sitting in the water the entire time, staring at the waves rippling out from his every move. Luhan is at the door again, knocking and calling for him. The peaceful world shatters and Minseok is left in an apartment that he doesn’t want to be in with a person he doesn’t want to be around.

“Minseok, you okay in there?”

“I’m fine.”

Minseok starts the robotic process of washing his hair and body. The cold feels like it’s seeping into his bones and his muscles burn with fatigue when he shivers. He drains the tub first and waits for the last droplets of water to run into the drain before he even considers getting out of the tub. His legs don’t feel like they’re going to hold steady the way he’d like them to, but it’s barely an afterthought. Mostly, Minseok wants to put off the inevitability of seeing Luhan again.

He spends so much time hiding in the bathtub that his body is mostly dry when he finally gets up on shaky legs and goes to grab a towel. It’s more of a formality to towel himself off, just another block of time he can put between himself and Luhan. Minseok forgot to grab clothing in his rush to get to the bathroom and his stomach sinks to the floor. He does not want to wander the apartment in only a towel.

He feels vulnerable enough as is. The idea of being mostly naked while Luhan is fully clothed makes him sick to his stomach. It just tips the power even further in Luhan’s favor. But he can’t stay in the bathroom forever, nor can he stay naked, so he recreates Luhan’s bedroom in his mind and plans each step to the closet to be as efficient as possible. He wants to give Luhan as little time as possible to see him like this.

There are already clothes waiting for him outside the bathroom door, a t-shirt from college that he never quite filled out and the sweatpants he wears so often he’s worn holes in the fabric. He pulls them on and ever so carefully tugs his collar off to the side. It leaves the bite exposed and open, but at least there’s no stinging rasp of fabric over the sensitive skin.

Luhan looks up from the TV when Minseok shuffles in, hiding a yawn with his elbow. He's been awake for maybe two hours, and that was broken up by a nap, but he's ready to sleep for the night. Luhan smiles and scoots over on the couch to make space for him. Minseok considers taking the love seat instead, but it's too small to sleep on and Minseok feels like he has temporary ownership of the couch.

So he puts himself as far away from Luhan on the couch as he can and tugs his blanket off the back of the couch to wrap around him as another layer between them.

Luhan frowns but doesn't move closer. He turns the TV up and the noise does a little to ease the tension. Minseok pretends that Luhan isn't watching him and lets himself ease out of the moment and into some drama in Mandarin that he only understands parts of. There are subtitles, but he doesn't have the energy to read.

"You tired?" Minseok makes some sort of grunt in response. He had curled up against the arm of the couch to rest his head and now he's only partially awake. Luhan laughs softly and suddenly he's kneeling on the ground in front of the couch, smiling and readjusting the blanket draped over Minseok's body. "C'mere, I'll help you up. I can put this on in the bedroom if you wanted to keep watching."

"No," Minseok grunts, "'m sleeping here." There are memories in the bed, memories he wants to bury so far down that they'll never crawl back up to bother him. He doesn't want to wake up in that bed again; he can't separate it from that feeling of overwhelming helplessness. Minseok will bear sore muscles for this little bit of control.

"I'll sleep out here," Luhan says and starts easing Minseok to sit up, "don't be stubborn."

"No! I wanna sleep out here – my choice."

"Minseok," Luhan pauses and sighs through his nose, eyes closed, jaw clenched, "Fine. Call for me if you change your mind." And Minseok feels viciously proud of himself, tugging his blanket closer and smiling as the TV and lights turn off. "Night. I'll check on the bite again in the morning." Minseok says nothing.

Luhan hums sadly and pads away to the bedroom, the door closing with a click. Minseok is left in darkness but it’s welcome. This darkness brings privacy, safety. This a darkness he chose. It’s nowhere near comfortable, but it’s better than before. He doesn’t feel quite so wrong on the inside. He feels a little less exposed.

Luhan comes to check on him few minutes later, door creaking open and soft footsteps stopping at the arm of the couch. Minseok think he says something but he ignores it. By the time the door closes again, he's already asleep.

* * *

 

Minseok wakes up to an alarm. Someone swears and turns it off mid-beep, but the noise is enough to drag him out of sleep. He can’t find the energy to open his eyes though. He’s still exhausted even after sleeping, muscles protesting when he stretches and brain slowly waking on its own. The ache in his shoulder has subsided though. It just feels numb now, heavy and peaceful. Minseok will take that over the pain.

Minseok rests with his face buried in the pillow and the blankets curled around himself. It’s not that much different from sleeping except that Minseok is aware of how comfortable the couch is. It wasn’t this comfortable when he woke up from one of his many naps the day before.

Minseok forces his eyes open and feels his chest seize up. Luhan’s blankets are tucked in around him and the TV remote is barely a foot from his face. He pushes himself to sit up and can’t help the sob that claws its way out of his throat.

He never called for Luhan to come get him. He _knows_ he didn’t. Minseok made the choice to sleep on the couch because he needs space – from Luhan and from the bed and from this life that he’s living now. But he doesn’t even have the power to make decisions about his own body. Luhan seems to be making a lot of decisions about Minseok’s body for him.

Minseok wants to get angry. He wants to fan a flame inside of himself until it roars to life. Anger is powerful, it is all-consuming and uncontrollable. It is _uncontrollable_. Fire cannot be held down and forced to be something it doesn't want to be. Minseok wants to be like fire, an invulnerable monster that doesn't hurt like this.

But he falls apart instead because he is not fire. He is a person with feelings and vulnerabilities. He is a person who feels sliced open and pulled apart, picked at under a microscope for weaknesses. He is a person who is powerless, so weak and vulnerable, that he doesn't even have control over where he sleeps at night.

Minseok's voice cracks on another sob and he curls into himself, letting the pain shake him apart. Part of him wants to actually break into pieces, to disappear and not feel the way he's feeling. He won't, of course, that's not the way life works. Instead, he cries and cries, tears stinging his eyes and soaking into the blankets. He couldn't stop them if he tried.

He manages to keep most of his sobs quiet, muffled by his hands or the pillow or whatever he has at the moment. One escapes when he pulls away from the pillow to suck in air and it echoes through the silence like a gunshot.

"Minseok?" Luhan is standing in the doorway with a frown and his brow furrowed in concern. Minseok wants to tell him to leave but can't find the air to speak, he presses his face more firmly into the pillow instead and rides out the tears. He knows he's radiating a need for comfort and he _wants_ comfort, from Junmyeon, or Baekhyun, or anyone else _except_ Luhan. But Luhan crawls up on the bed next to him and attempts to pull him close anyway.

Minseok yanks himself out of Luhan's arms and rolls away, sobbing incoherently. Luhan reaches for him again and again, only pulling away when he makes harsh, guttural screeching sounds that are supposed to be _no._ They don't sound like words but they seem to be enough for Luhan to understand.

"What's wrong," Luhan asks – _begs_. "I can fix it, just tell me what's wrong." Luhan _can't_ fix it, no one can. Minseok has been hollowed out and emptied of his confidence, his safety, and no one can turn back time and bring it all back. "Please, let me help you."

" _No,"_ Minseok finally chokes out. "I don't – don't want... I'm fine."

Luhan laughs and it's hollow and bitter. Just as Minseok feels. "You're not fine. You and I both know you're not fine. You – you don't have to talk to me about it, that's fine, just let me know what I need to do to make you feel better."

Minseok _hates_ him for this. Luhan is acting so kind, saying everything Minseok would want to hear and it makes him sick. Who gave him the right to pretend like this isn't all his fault? Somehow, that makes Minseok cry harder.

Luhan hands him a box of tissues from the nightstand and then grabs him a glass of water. It floats in on its own and hovers in the air in front of him. When he gulps it down, it floats away and comes back seconds later refilled. Luhan keeps his distance when Minseok nearly throws himself off the bed to get away from his touch.

"Couch," Minseok croaks, "I-I wanted to..."

And that makes Luhan pause. Minseok's vision is blurred from the tears, but he can see how Luhan's face falls. It's a little surprising; it seems to have never even occurred to Luhan that taking away Minseok's choices would upset him. It's a testament to the fact that Luhan has never been the one at a disadvantage in his life. "I didn't realize – fuck, my bad."

Minseok forces himself out of bed and makes the long, slow trip to the couch, Luhan hovering at his side. The demon has Minseok's blanket hovering in the air for him. He doesn't have the energy to be upset. He just lets Luhan drape the blanket over him and takes the remote when it's handed to him

"Pick whatever you want. Really, whatever you want; I don't care."

Minseok feels truly empty. His head is empty, his heart is empty. He picks some show he's already seen a million times and it sinks to the background. Luhan busies himself with tucking the tissue box near Minseok and leaving a glass of water and a mug of tea on the coffee table.

The world films over and it could be hours or seconds passing by, Minseok can't tell the difference at the moment. But he gets time again where he doesn't have to be himself and he's grateful.

He surfaces a few times, once when Luhan brings him food and sits at his side while he eats. He asks if Minseok needs anything and he shakes his head. There is nothing for him to need when he feels this empty inside. It would just fall into the void and disappear. He finishes eating and falls back under.

His shoulder is numb. His body is numb. His mind is numb too.

The sun is low when he blinks back to himself. Luhan is just watching him from the loveseat with a frown. The TV is off. He doesn't remember when that happened. He thinks he fell asleep a few times but he's not really sure. He doesn't feel so hollowed out now; the void's been filled up by an exhaustion so thick it could drown him.

It's better than being empty though. Anything is better than being empty like that. Going away is nice at first, but it's nightmarish when he wakes up. He's not so grateful anymore.

"What time is it?" The corner of Luhan's mouth twitches into a smile and he relaxes. Minseok's not sure but he thinks the demon's just been watching him float for hours.

"Eight at night," Luhan replies and reaches to turn the TV back on, "Are you hungry?" Minseok nods and Luhan goes to grab something out of the kitchen. The night passes in silence and Luhan doesn't ask if he wants to sleep in the bed.

Minseok falls asleep on the couch. It's not lost on him that Luhan never actually apologized.

* * *

 

Minseok explodes two days later. He's not sure what starts it all. He and Luhan had built an uneasy truce. Luhan kept his distance and Minseok wouldn't snap when asked a question. It wasn't perfect, but it kept them from drowning under anger and things unacknowledged.

And then lunch comes on the fourth day and Minseok's feeling better for the first time. He has the energy to focus and play games on his phone, respond to all the texts Junmyeon's sent him. Luhan picks up on it, odd flutterings of joy in Minseok's chest that aren't his. It's odd and makes him a bit uncomfortable but it's not unbearable.

Minseok's legs feel steady enough to carry him to the kitchen to get his own plate of food. Luhan's a good cook even with his self-imposed simple food diet. Minseok's stomach is the part of his body giving him the least trouble; it's not worth an argument over. Minseok's too busy running on the simple of joy of being able to walk on his own to say anything anyway.

Luhan is smiling when he sees Minseok walk over. Luhan has taken to smiling a lot today. It's odd considering how he had crept around Minseok like he was a bomb ready to explode before. Minseok's not sure which he prefers. Either way, he shuffles over and takes the plate Luhan slides to him.

"Here you go, my love," Luhan says and turns back to making his plate.

And Minseok just explodes. There's nothing in his head beyond white hot, righteous rage – he deserves _every ounce_ of anger and he refuses to let anyone tell him otherwise. He's never been prone to yelling, to confronting others when he's angry. But he feels acid surge up from somewhere deep inside.

"I am _not_ your love. I am not your anything!"

Luhan startles but doesn't say anything. He stands there looking hurt and innocent and that just makes Minseok that much angrier. "You never even said sorry! You never told me what you were and didn’t give me a choice! _"_

The air changes for a moment. Luhan frowns, “Did I… The sex? Did I – did you not?”

“It’s not about the fucking sex,” Minseok curls his hands into fists even as a part of him relaxes. It’s so strange, so fucking strange, but there’s something that comforts him about getting to say that the sex was consensual. He agreed to it, he _wanted_ it. “You tied us together for eternity and didn’t ask. You didn’t give me the choice about that.” That’s the issue. Not the sex, it’s about the bite on Minseok’s shoulder and the fact that Luhan and Minseok are supposed to be together forever without Minseok’s agreement.

Luhan relaxes though. He relaxes completely, leaning back against the kitchen counter like all his worries have been lifted. Minseok hates him for it. "I understand that you're upset but this is ridiculous. This," he says as he gestures to the scabs on Minseok's neck, "was going to happen eventually. It's how things go! It's – it's just – I was securing our future."

"Securing _your_ future. All you thought about was _you._ What _you_ wanted! It's all okay because you got what you wanted, it doesn't matter how I feel!"

"That's not true. Your feelings matter a lot me! I've been giving you your space and making sure you ate and were comfortable!"

"Because you did this," Minseok's throat feels raw as he starts to yell but he can't stop. Luhan's delusional. A misguided, self-absorbed moron who can't stop thinking about himself for long enough to even _consider_ what Minseok might be feeling. "You made a choice for the both of us; this just you dealing with _your_ consequences. You aren't even thinking about what this has done to me. How I feel or what I'm dealing with. I'm in pain all the time and I'm tired and I never feel safe! I'm never safe anymore! I'm vulnerable and helpless and I feel so fucking _violated_. And it's your fault! _It's all your fault!"_

The tears come faster than he can control but he wipes them away and grabs his car keys off the counter. Luhan said that Baekhyun had driven it over so that Minseok wouldn't have to get it himself. He's so mad at Baekhyun too. Minseok grabs his wallet and stomps back to the couch to grab his blanket and his phone.

"What are you doing? Minseok, sit down, you're wearing yourself out." Luhan tries to grab him but he pushes him away and shoves his feet into his slippers. "Calm down. We can talk about this now. I know what's wrong and I can fix it."

Delusional. Luhan's delusional and spoiled and too stupid for Minseok to waste his breath on.

Minseok steps past Luhan and runs to the elevator, slamming the button for the first floor and refusing to look to where Luhan is standing frozen in the living room. He knows Luhan is staring over him with misery written on his face, Minseok can feel it in his chest. He doesn't care. He can't go back. Luhan hasn't apologized and won't even accept he did anything wrong and Minseok is too raw.

He's not going to rip himself open again so Luhan can maybe figure out why he's hurting so badly. Minseok just wants to be happy again.

His phone is buzzing the whole drive home. Text after text from Luhan begging him to come back. He says they don't have to talk at all anymore but that he just wants to make sure Minseok is okay. Minseok _isn't_ okay and he won't be okay until he's away from Luhan.

Minseok slams the door to his apartment shut and falls to the floor, tears still coming like they're personally fed by the river of hurt coursing through his veins. His shoulder _screams_ with pain. "Shut up," he screams back, "shut up shut up shut up shut up! _Shut up!"_

It doesn't. It probably won't unless he goes back to Luhan, but he won't go back. He can't go back. He’ll suffer through it all on his own. He doesn’t care. Luhan ripped him open and Minseok will sew himself shut again.

Minseok hugs his knees to his chest and cries.


	2. Restitution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minseok wakes to knocking on his door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! Here's the next chapter a day early :3 I hope you guys really enjoy this, this and the one after it are the two I'm most worried about so I really hope i did this right. 
> 
> This chapter is where the tag for mild suicidal ideation comes up. It's very mild but I can understand how it will be upsetting. I'll put where it occurs in the end notes so you can see it coming and skip it if that stuff makes you uncomfortable.
> 
> As always, thank you thank you thank you to [Aarushi](https://twitter.com/AarushiC_18) for being the best beta in the whole wide world <3

Minseok wakes to knocking on his door. He forces himself to sit up with a grunt, still half-asleep and not quite mentally present. His back cracks in protest at the motion and Minseok falls back onto the couch. He should’ve known better than to fall asleep here. His couch is a nightmare to sleep on; he really doesn’t understand how Junmyeon did it for so long.

It takes a few minutes of slow, careful stretching for Minseok to feel confident enough in his body to try getting off the couch again. His back is sore, as is his shoulder and every other muscle in his body, but he manages to stand. If he forces his focus onto the slight throb of unhappy muscles he can almost forget the low-level burn of the bite. Not quite, but almost – it has to be enough.

Minseok stares at his front door, gnawing at his lower lip and debating shuffling to his bedroom to sleep for the rest of the day. There are few people in the world who knows where he lives and each of them have a key. Except for Luhan. And Minseok does not want to see Luhan.

But there is always the chance that it’s Junmyeon outside the door and he’s attempting balance Zitao in his arms and grab his key. It’s happened before.

Minseok makes sure his blanket is wrapped tight around his shoulders before walking ever so slowly towards the door. The fabric scrapes against sensitive skin but his shirt collar is too wide to cover the full breadth of his shoulders and he doesn’t want Zitao to see the scabs. Partly to try and circumvent any further trauma but also because Zitao is five and five-year-olds like to pick scabs. Minseok has no intention of hurting himself like he did the first day, nor does he intend to let anyone else hurt him.

He takes a deep breath, telling himself that there’s nothing to fear, that he’s safe behind the door that’s been bolted shut.

The peephole shows nothing. No one standing outside of his apartment, no strange packages in the hallway, not a single thing out of place. But someone knocked on his door. If it was Zitao, maybe he knocked on the door and then ran away and Junmyeon had to chase him. Junmyeon mentioned something about Yifan teaching Zitao how to pull pranks. It’s not impossible. Minseok keeps the chain on his door locked but slowly pulls the door open, peeking out into the hallway.

The hallway is quiet. No one is whisper-yelling for their child to come back or giggling that they pulled a really good prank. No Junmyeon or Zitao then. It makes Minseok's stomach drop in the most uncomfortable way.

He blows out a breath and starts to close the door, eyeing the hallway for any sudden movements. And then he drops his gaze and there are two tupperware containers on his welcome mat. Minseok crouches down. It's rice with beef and a salad, the same food that Luhan had tried to hand to him yesterday. There's a sticky note on the top container, but he ignores it as he pulls the tupperware into the apartment and bolts the door shut again.

Minseok has no reservations about eating the food Luhan left for him. He knows some would say that he should be 'stronger' and take care of himself to show himself that he has control, but he's tired and hungry and he refuses to be ashamed.

He didn't eat anything yesterday. Minseok had cried on the floor for what felt like _hours_ and then crawled up onto the couch and slept. His stomach feels like a bottomless pit and he _needs_ food. He doesn't care who or where it came from, he just needs food.

Minseok scoots across the floor to the couch, hauling himself up and turning on the TV. He should have scooted to the kitchen and grabbed himself some silverware, a plate, or even just a napkin. Hunger makes it a bit hard to think though. The sound of the TV, a Food Network rerun that fades into the background, eases the tightness in his chest. It blurs out his own thoughts and lets him eat in peace.

He really should have grabbed silverware before he sat down. It's too far away now and Minseok finds himself eating rice and salad with his hands. He should probably feel maybe a little powerless because he doesn't even have the energy to walk to the kitchen in his very small apartment. He shoves a handful of rice into his mouth and laughs instead.

There's no room for shame in his chest right now. He stares at the TV screen and remembers what he can of that night. He refuses to let himself be eaten alive by shame when he was the one hurt. Luhan hurt him enough, he shouldn't tear the wounds open wider. It won’t do him any good. He just has to keep going.

Minseok laughs at how ridiculous he knows he must look, at how rice keeps sticking to his fingers and his face. He takes each passing second as it comes and laughs until his sides ache. He nearly knocks the salad container over because he can’t make himself stay still or stop laughing.

It's easy to eat and pretend and just exist. It's easy to ignore the world. For a little while, things are good – _great._ But it can't last forever.

The episode ends. Minseok fishes the last lettuce leaf out of the tupperware container. A new show starts, one of the 'cooking with' shows that he always turns off, and Minseok stares down at the empty containers.

He doesn't feel sad, or vulnerable, or powerless. He doesn't feel angry or happy either. He wonders if there's actually a gaping, empty wound in his chest or if that's just his brain trying to make sense of the void where his emotions should be. And then he wonders why it would matter either way.

Minseok knows he shouldn't, but he grabs the sticky note off the lid of the first container.

_XXX-XXXX_

_That's my number, please call or text me. Just let me know you're alright. I'm sorry that I upset you today. I should've known better than to argue with you. It was wrong of me to fight with you when I knew you weren’t feeling well. I'll have to work on backing down, but I know what's bothering you now and I believe we can fix it if we sat down and talked for a little while. I can come and pick you up when you decide you're ready to come back, just tell me when. Time doesn't matter, I'll come get you whenever you're ready._

_I'm worried about you. Please make sure you eat today, I could feel how hungry you were last night._

_Love,_

_Luhan_

Minseok laughs. It's hollow like his chest and so quiet it dies in the air before it can pass from his lips. Luhan doesn't even know what he is actually apologizing for. He says that he's sorry for arguing, for making Minseok upset, but he won't apologize for what he actually did wrong. Luhan says that he knows what is actually cutting Minseok to the core, but the fact that he argues is, in and of itself, proof that he has no idea.

Luhan is delusional, seeing only what he wants to see and hearing only what he wants to hear. He is ignorant of any reality that is not exactly as he wants it to be.

And he still thinks that Minseok will ever see him again. He thinks that Minseok would ever return to that apartment. Luhan is a fucking _idiot_. Minseok appreciates the food though; he's much too tired to cook for himself and he doesn't want to spend money on delivery.

The note is as worthless to Minseok as Luhan's word, as the demon himself. It does nothing for him. It doesn't make him feel heard, feel understood. It simply reinforces what he already knows and he has no use for that.

Minseok pulls over his little tray of candles on the coffee table. He picks his least favorite scent because Luhan doesn't deserve his chocolate bunny candle. Luhan doesn't even deserve his clean laundry candle. The note is only deserving of the cinnamon candle, a gag gift from Junmyeon because he hates how the smell overpowers his nose.

It makes sense in a way. Luhan is overwhelming, an unapologetic presence in his life that he wants gone. He claims space that does not belong to him. He gets into Minseok's head where he does not belong or deserve to be. The idea of allowing Luhan to do as he likes makes his stomach drop to the floor and his fingers ache in that odd, anxious pain.

Luhan is the human equivalent of a cinnamon candle. Minseok hates them both.

Minseok has to sift through the mess of papers on his table to find the lighter. It was hidden under a stack of veterinary journals, most unread because he just hasn't found the time or will to read. He has time now though, he has time in spades, in droves. Minseok has oodles of time that he would love to spend reading about the advances in veterinary science and not thinking about Luhan or his own helplessness and inability to care for himself.

If he thinks about that too much, the hollow in his chest starts to sew itself shut and fill with emotions. So he simply refuses to.

Instead, Minseok sucks in a deep breath and pulls the lid off the candle, lighting the wick and holding the sticky note over the flame. Minseok watches as the fire catches the edge of the note in slow motion. It climbs up to the top with burning intensity, not caring for what it's doing to the paper it eats or what destruction it left in its wake. Not caring if it singes Minseok’s fingers so long as it gets what it wants. And that reminds Minseok a lot of Luhan too.

Minseok stares into the flame burning the sticky note to pieces and wonders why he feels so empty. He should take some sort of satisfaction in this. He's burning Luhan's note. It should be a victory, it should _feel like_ a victory. Luhan has no power here; the door is bolted shut and Luhan cannot get to him here. But Luhan is everywhere. Luhan is inside him, echoes of emotion that Minseok tries so hard to forget exist when they come. Luhan is outside his door, leaving food and notes and pretending to be the same person Minseok met at the club.

"I'm never really safe," Minseok whispers, "am I? There is no where I can go that he cannot follow. There is nowhere for me to go."

His phone buzzes.

**From: Myeonie**

_are you okay? i heard youre at your apt now. i can come get you after work if you want. tao and yifan and i would be happy to help you get back on your feet. and yifan wont let luhan in under threat of sleeping on the couch w/o me or tao._

_i love you minnie mouse <3_

He has somewhere to go. He has _always_ had somewhere to go, will for as long as long as Junmyeon is alive and breathing. He types out a response, the numbness slowly fading away to be replaced by something warm and soft and gentle. Teardrops drip onto the phone screen before Minseok realizes he's crying.

**To: Myeonie**

_Thank u. im okay right now. as okay as i can be I guess_

_i love you too jun, tell taotao i love him and tell yifan thanks. i know he only agreed to that for you, but it means a lot._

There's no response, even after what feels like an hour. Minseok checks his phone and it's only been ten minutes. Junmyeon is busy, Junmyeon is at _work_ like Minseok should be.

He has no idea when he'll be able to return to work. It's ridiculous to think that it would be even remotely plausible for him to work an eight-hour shift at the clinic when he can barely stay conscious for more than the time it takes for someone to win on a Food Network show. Minseok will have to stay here, in this apartment, until he heals or he gets fired. He's truly not sure which one will come first.

Minseok stares at the candle flame until his eyelids grow heavy. He throws off the exhaustion for just long enough to shuffle to the kitchen and dump the tupperware into the sink. He hopes he'll have the energy to clean them later, or put them in the dishwasher, at least.

And then he curls up on the couch, turns on a nature documentary, and slips in and out of consciousness for the rest of the day.

* * *

Luhan comes with food again the next day. Minseok startles awake from his second nap of the day at the first knock. Luhan knocks for a few minutes, stops, and knocks again. It's as though he thinks Minseok might come to the door if he waits long enough.

Luhan is utterly delusional.

Minseok refuses to move from the couch. He's safe behind the locked door. He thinks so, at least. There's nothing to make him believe Luhan will break down the door, there's nothing to make him believe he won't either. So he waits on the couch and counts each knock like sheep to try and stay calm. He just wants Luhan to _leave_.

The knocking finally stops and Minseok rolls off the couch. He hits the floor with a dull thud and crawls to the door. He actually feels well enough to walk but he wants to keep under the view of the peephole.

Baekhyun, in his many texts, mentioned that demons are enhanced in every way to a degree science has ruled impossible. Yixing can see almost perfectly in the dark and Junmyeon once said that Yifan picked up the car when Zitao's ball rolled underneath it. It wouldn't be unreasonable for Luhan to be able to see through the peephole, it's just a convex lens.

Minseok slowly stands, head ducked below where he thinks the peephole can see and starts to open the door. As before, he keeps the chain in place. But Luhan is long gone when he opens the door. Two tupperware containers are sitting outside his door, just as before. It's spaghetti and fruit. There is a sticky note on the top container, just as before. Luhan wrote more on this note, but Minseok would believe it's just the same message from the day before in more words.

Minseok made himself food early in the morning when he had enough energy to putter around his apartment and shower. Hunger isn't clawing at his belly and he doesn't feel like he'll die if he doesn't eat. He takes a few bites and finds that there's no joy in eating. Each bite makes him feel sick to his stomach.

He walks on shaky legs and leaves the leftovers in the fridge, dropping the sticky note into the trash as he goes. The catharsis from watching it go up in smoke doesn't feel as attractive anymore. He just wants to put it all behind him, no dramatics or symbolism. He just wants to not feel so vulnerable anymore.

He turns the TV off and leaves it off, pulling up a playlist on his phone and letting it go. Barely a song plays through before his phone is ringing. Minseok jolts out of the beginnings of sleep and gasps awake.

"Hello," he croaks. It's only when he speaks that he realizes he didn't check the caller ID. He has no idea who is on the other line. It’s the stupidest thing he’s done since going home with Luhan that night.

_“Hey! How are you doing? I haven’t heard from you in a few days and I was getting a little nervous.”_

Minseok smiles a little and curls up into a comfortable ball on the couch. “Hey, Baek, I’m – I’m doing as well as I can, I guess.” Baekhyun hums over the line. Minseok isn’t sure if it’s good or bad but it’s the first he’s heard of another human’s voice in days and that’s enough for him. “It’s good to hear from you.”

“ _Yeah, it’s good to hear from you too… You’re not doing good at all, are you?”_ Minseok feels his jaw drop and he sputters helplessly. “ _You sound awful, Minseok. I’m sorry but it’s true.”_

“I said I was doing the best I can,” Minseok takes a deep, calming breath and tries not to get defensive. He’s _not_ doing okay, he knows he’s not doing okay. Minseok is functioning in only the most technical definition of the word, but hearing Baekhyun say as much makes something in his chest ache. He’s doing his best, isn’t that enough?

“ _I know, I know. But have you even been sleeping?”_

“I sleep twenty fucking hours a day, Baekhyun. I’ve caught up on every hour of sleep I’ve ever missed and I’m _still_ tired. You know how awful this is.”

“ _Not really,”_ Baekhyun mumbles, “ _Yixing took care of me the whole time. I didn’t have to do anything but sleep. It’s hard to take care of yourself.”_

No, he refuses to let this continue. Baekhyun’s been hinting at it over text, but he’d hoped that he’d have enough sense not to keep pushing. He’s a grown adult, what he does with his body is his choice and not up for debate or judgement or passive-aggressive comments. “Well, not all of us have that luxury. Can – Can we just talk about something else?” Baekhyun sighs and there’s a moment where Minseok nearly just hangs up the phone.

But he doesn’t. He’s lonely and Baekhyun’s voice makes him feel less like he’s living in solitary confinement. It’s like his mother answering phone calls from her sisters; she hates talking to them but they’re the only people she’s been able to speak Korean to since his dad died.  Even if it hurts, it’s better than being alone.

“ _Listen, I-I… I know that you’re hurting, and you have every right to be, but you’re just hurting yourself more by doing this. You’re not meant to go through this by yourself. And I don’t know exactly what happened, but I talked to Luhan again and he said he left you his number so-“_

Minseok hangs up and is only just able to stop himself from throwing his phone at the wall. His feelings are meaningless here. They didn’t matter to Luhan and they don’t matter to Baekhyun. He’s not sure which one hurts worse.

Baekhyun _knew_. He had to have known what would happen if he put Minseok and Luhan together and he tried to do it anyway. Minseok knows that Baekhyun wasn’t at the club that night and did nothing to push him to go home with Luhan, but there were so many chances to tell him. Minseok’s known about Yifan and Yixing for more than long enough for Baekhyun to have done _something_. Baekhyun could have sat them both down and explained it all; he could’ve given Minseok the choice he had. He could have and he chose to do nothing, he chose to try to throw them together and watch the wreck from afar.

Luhan – Minseok doesn’t have the time, energy, or emotional stability to think of all that Luhan has done.

Pain coalesces in his stomach into a heavy weight that threatens to swallow him whole, creeping up his throat until it suffocates him. He buries his face in a pillow and screams until his voice gives out. He’s drowning and no one cares. They wouldn’t even care if he went to sleep right now and never woke up again, would they?

Minseok wouldn’t do that, but there’s a part of him that wants to. It doesn’t hurt when he sleeps. He’s okay when he’s not awake.

Minseok pulls the blankets over his head and stares into the dark and waits for the pain to end.

* * *

His phone rings again. Minseok checks the caller ID this time; he’ll throw it at the wall if it’s Baekhyun. It’s Junmyeon, an old picture of them back in college attempt to use a one-person sled together. The world may not care about him anymore, but Junmyeon still does. Junmyeon has always cared about him. Junmyeon got suspended for two weeks in high school for a fight that Minseok started simply because he said that’s what best friends do. They never let the other go down alone.

He’s crying before he even answers. “Jun-Junmyeon.”

“ _Are you crying? I can come over right now if you need me. I told the administration that I’m in the middle of a family emergency and the retired kindergarten teacher agreed to come in and cover if I need it. So I can leave right fucking now if you need me.”_

Minseok cries so hard it hurts. He tries to tell Junmyeon to stay at work but the words get lodged somewhere in his throat and he can’t get them unstuck.

“ _Oh, Minseok, I’ll be there soon. No arguments. Do you want me to call Yifan and see if Zitao wants to come by? He misses you. It’s very hard to feel sad with Zitao around too, I have personal experience.”_

“N-no,” Minseok stutters out, “I don’t – I don’t want him to see me like this.” Zitao’s seen enough pain for someone ten times his age. He’s felt more pain personally than any one person should feel in their lifetime. And Minseok just doesn’t want others to see him hurt like this. He’s helplessly vulnerable and it gets worse the more people that know.

“ _Alright_ ,” Junmyeon says, “ _Then I’ll be there in ten minutes. Want me to call you when I get on the road? I don’t want you to be alone more than you have to be.”_ It feels selfish to say yes. Even if he really wants to, even if Junmyeon offered. Junmyeon is leaving work for him; he _planned_ to take off work for him if he ever needed it, telling his bosses that it’s a family emergency. “ _Okay, I’m going to anyway because I really don’t like the idea of not having you on the phone with me. I’ll call you back in a minute. Love you, Minnie.”_

“Love you too.” The line goes dead but Minseok keeps the phone pressed to ear. Junmyeon is coming and he’s going to call back. Minseok’s not alone.

Junmyeon talks to him the entire drive. He talks about the weather, about Zitao and the watercolors they’ve been playing with, about the pictures Junmyeon has been ordered to carry around in case he sees Minseok. Zitao has been drawing a lot of cats for him, apparently. Minseok worries that he might not enough space on his fridge for them all. Somewhere along the way, he stops crying.

His world is focused on something other than Luhan, than the bite on his shoulder; he’d actually forgotten what life was like when he could think about anything else.

“ _I’m coming up to your door right…_ ” Minseok’s front door swings open just as Junmyeon hangs up. “Now!” Junmyeon pauses, face falling as he stares at Minseok on the couch. “Hey.”

“That’s for horses,” Minseok attempts a smile but it falls flat when he sniffles. “Come here? Please?” He goes to push himself to sit up and make room on the couch for Junmyeon. It’s not built for two grown men to cuddle on, but Minseok really needs a hug. Junmyeon gently pushes him back down and balances himself on the sliver of couch left, curling in close and humming softly. “We should probably do this on a bed, you know. You’re gonna fall off at some point.”

Junmyeon just hums and squeezes Minseok closer. “We can move when you’re ready. Don’t push yourself for me. And falling off a couch is literally fucking nothing compared to what you’re going through; let me be a little self-sacrificing for you.” Minseok doesn’t have it in him to argue. He nods and soaks up the comfort, tears leaking out when he can’t hold them in. Junmyeon wipes each one away and shushes him. It’s the safest he’s felt since that night.

“Baekhyun knew,” Minseok whispers. Junmyeon’s head snaps up, terror. “He tried to set me up with…with _him_ , remember? He had to know. It shouldn’t hurt that much because I know that they were friends before my great-great-great-great grandparents were born, but it does. It hurts so bad. Everything hurts so bad. And I’m so fucking _sick of crying_.” He can’t stop though. It’ll stop for a moment and then he’ll start crying because his insides are exposed for the world to see and yet full of knives that cut him open with every breath. It makes no sense; it’s not meant to.

“You trusted him. You trusted him a lot and he betrayed that trust. You have every right to be hurt – your pain is _valid_ , Minseok. Don’t tell yourself it’s not. I wish you weren’t hurting, but you are and it’s okay to be sad and angry and not want to forgive.”

Minseok turns on his side and buries his face on Junmyeon’s shoulder and _shatters_.

There too many emotions bubbling his chest, filling it until it feels like it might burst. A person shouldn’t be able to cry this much. It _hurts_ to cry at this point, body worn out and head pounding with a monstrous headache. Minseok has cried so many times in the past few days, but none have felt like this; it feels so _good_ to cry. Junmyeon is here and telling him that he can feel like this. Minseok knew he was allowed to be angry and feel so much pain, but it’s so much more real to hear it from someone else.

“Wanna hear a joke,” Junmyeon asks what feels like hours later, a box of tissues balanced on his chest. He hands one to Minseok when the one he’s using reaches its maximum snot capacity and has to be tossed into the trashcan at the foot of the bed. Minseok dragged them both back to the bedroom when he finally stopped crying and it’s much more comfortable than the couch.

“The fact that you think you’re funny?” Minseok laughs at his own joke and how his voice sounds so stupid with his nose stuffed up. Junmyeon rolls away and shoves his head underneath a pillow.

“You are not nice, Minseok,” Junmyeon waves with the hand not chucking tissues at him, “you are not nice at all! If I didn’t love you so much, I’d feed you to a lion. A mean lion… God, I spend too much fucking time with kids. But also that was actually better than my joke and I’m kind of mad about it.”

Minseok laughs again and uses gravity and momentum to roll towards Junmyeon. He’s a bit surprised he’s still awake. He’s only taken two real naps and cried himself into a stupor. As if summoned, Minseok yawns until his jaw pops and Junmyeon frowns in concern.

“Tired? Well, you’re always tired, but are you _really_ tired? It’s about four in the afternoon so you could probably fit in another nap before dinner.”

“Don’t you have to be home for dinner soon? Zitao-”

Junmyeon covers Minseok’s mouth his hand. “Zitao has his father to look after him for tonight. He will understand if I’m not home in time for dinner.” Minseok’s chest tightens and he can feel his lower lip start to wobble. “If you need to cry again, let me know so I can get you more water. You’ll dehydrate soon if you don’t make sure to keep chugging water. You cry actual buckets and it makes me worry for your kidneys.”

“‘m not gonna cry. I just – I don’t know. I just needed you here, I think.”

“And I’m happy to be here. You’re always welcome at my house, you know.”

“I know.” Minseok’s lets out a shuddering sigh. It would be smart to go to Junmyeon’s house, he knows that. He wouldn’t be struggling to take care of himself. He wouldn’t have to rely on Luhan coming by and dropping off food; there’s always a chance he’ll wait outside the door for Minseok to open it and Minseok doesn’t know what he’d do then.

But he needs to prove to himself – something, he needs to prove something to himself. Maybe that he’s not as helpless as he seems, that he can survive on his own. Maybe he just doesn’t want anyone else to see him like this. He shakes his head. “I don’t think I want to go. I think I just want to stay here for now.”

“That’s fine,” Junmyeon hums, “whatever you want. You’ve had enough decisions taken out of your hands to last a whole lifetime.”

“Love you,” Minseok whispers, eyes burning with new tears and voice sticking in his throat. “Baekhyun called just before you did and h-he tried to convince me to go back. He kept saying that I was just hurting myself more and it was just so obvious that he thought I was just going to get over all this and then me and…and-”

“You don’t have to say his name if you don’t want to. I know who you’re talking about.”

Minseok reaches over and squeezes Junmyeon’s hand in thanks. “Then we’d live life like nothing ever happened and be happy couple or something. How can he – I can’t. I can’t just get over it, Junmyeon. He hurt me, and I shouldn’t have to just get over it. Right?”

Junmyeon pulls him in close, throwing the comforter over the both of them. He doesn’t say anything for a long time, just combs his fingers through Minseok’s hair. The sounds of Minseok sniffling and trying to calm down fill the room. For a little while, Minseok wonders if _he’s_ the one who’s wrong here, that Junmyeon’s trying to find the words to tell him so. He’s not sure he would be able to stomach that, if Junmyeon told him that he needs to forgive and give Luhan a chance.

And then Junmyeon’s fingers in his hair tighten and Minseok looks up to see him fighting back his own tears. “I don’t – there are so many things I want to say and I’m so mad at them for acting like it’s your fault that you’re hurting. It’s _not_ your fault. You didn’t know what was going to happen – that’s not on you.” Minseok’s hands tremble where they’re holding tight to Junmyeon’s shirt. He doesn’t cry though.

A weight lifts itself off his shoulders, something he didn’t even notice until it left him that much lighter. He wonders if that’s why he’s been so tired, carrying around guilt for something that wasn’t his fault. He rests his head, feeling a little like someone has started the long, slow process of sewing him back together with loving, shaky hands.

“If,” Junmyeon pauses, taking a deep breath, “You don’t have to forgive him. Or Baekhyun. Either of them. And that’s okay. If you don’t ever forgive him, that’d be okay.”

* * *

Minseok goes back to work ten days after he woke up in Luhan's bed with a bite on his shoulder and no sense of security. He's not feeling better, not in any sense for the word, but he couldn't stand another day staring at the walls of his apartment and dreading the inevitable moment Luhan knocks on his door and leaves food for him. He needs to do _something_ or he'll lose what little of his sanity he has left.

So he asks his boss if it'd be alright if he came in and reorganized the files like they'd be meaning to because he's not up to seeing patients yet. Minseok is just starting to manage walking from one end of his apartment to the other and back in one go; he'll admit he's not ready to stand for however long an appointment lasts. His boss gives him the green light and Minseok forces himself out of the apartment the next morning.

He feels tiny and vulnerable out in the open without a locked door to keep him safe. The bus ride to work is a nightmare because he keeps thinking every blond man is Luhan and Minseok spends the entirety of the ride buried in a hoodie twice his size with the hood tugged down over his face.

It wouldn't be enough to keep him hidden if Luhan is actually on the bus with him. He hates it and he hates that he knows it. Luhan's feelings are dulled to him and Minseok only knows he's close when he knocks on the door, but Luhan feels everything he feels in full. Luhan told him as much when he left a voicemail after Minseok had four panic attacks in the span of a day as he tried to comprehend what it’ll mean to live forever. _"This is the fourth one and it's only three in the afternoon. Do you want me to come get you? Proximity helps."_

Then Minseok had another panic attack because Luhan was _still_ in his head. He couldn't hide from him, not really. It made Minseok sick to his stomach with anxiety. He wondered if Luhan had access to his thoughts and memories too. And then he made himself stop wondering because he really didn't want to know the answer.

The hoodie does nothing to keep Minseok safe, but it makes him feel a little less opened up.

Baekhyun is waiting for him when he walks through the front door of the clinic. Minseok freezes in place and looks from Mongryeong wagging his tail in excitement to Baekhyun's sheepish smile. The smile that starts to sour with guilt as Baekhyun must realize how fucked up it is to try and trap him into a conversation after everything he's been through.

Minseok looks him in the eye and frowns, letting the exhaustion and the pain bubble to the surface for Baekhyun to see. He wants Baekhyun to see the pain he could've prevented, the pain he's been trying to sweep under the rug to alleviate his own guilt.

"Minseok," Baekhyun starts and takes a step forward. Mongryeong pulls on his leash and Minseok feels a little bad for not giving the dog any attention. It isn't Mongryeong's fault this happened; it isn't Minseok's fault either though. Whatever Baekhyun has to say, Minseok doesn't want to hear it. There's nothing Baekhyun can say to change what happened, nothing he can say to make Minseok believe that he's on his side and not Luhan's. So Minseok turns away and disappears through the office door behind the receptionist desk.

His boss comes in maybe half an hour later and finds Minseok crying into a filing drawer. "You know, I have a policy about mental health. You can take as much time as you need to deal with whatever's going on in your life."

Minseok shrugs and wipes at face, trying to destroy the evidence that he broke down _again_. It happens constantly, and it never stops feeling shameful. "I'd rather come to work – don't have to think about it when I'm here. I'm not useless if I'm here."

A sigh from behind him. "You're not useless," his boss says and he deflates when he gently squeezes his shoulder in comfort. "You don't have to tell me anything about what's going on, but know that you're not useless."

"Thank you."

His boss leaves him alone in the office after that. The door shuts behind him and Minseok loses himself in the filing cabinets. There's no Luhan, no bite on his shoulder, no world turned upside down. It's just him and the files. A box of tissues materializes next to him at some point during the day, but no one comes to bother him unless they're looking for a file. The isolation feels good.

Minseok can rest on the knowledge that his boss would never let anyone but an employee into the office. If he's here, with the files, Luhan can't reach him.

* * *

There’s a knock on Minseok’s door three days later. He looks up from his patient files in confusion He finished redoing the entire filing system that morning and Minseok feels accomplished. He feels useful, like he's not this exhausted, helpless creature incapable of taking care of himself. He feels good enough to start taking appointments again, riding on a wave of fragile pride that tells him that exhaustion doesn’t define him.

Minseok is still physically tired. He goes home and falls asleep the second his body hits the mattress, but he's not exhausted like he was before. He's been too busy to be emotionally wiped out, too distracted. He doesn't have the time to focus on feeling awful when he has mountains of work to do. Junmyeon says it's a good coping strategy. Keeps him from drowning in his own misery.

It makes him less careful. He shuffles over to the door and opens it without a second thought. And then he freezes, staring at Luhan as the demon pauses in the middle of raising his arm to knock again.

"How dare you," Minseok spits, "How fucking dare you?"

Luhan looks up from the floor and smiles at him. And he looks so hopeful. Luhan is smiling up at him like Minseok didn't choose to spend days incapacitated and in pain to get away from him. Like Minseok won't sprint out of the apartment to get away again. "Minseok! You're home!"

Minseok sputters and he feels like a kettle five seconds from hitting its boiling point. He's nearly vibrating with anger and the pain in his shoulders flares for the first time in days. Luhan winces and Minseok can see his hands twitch like he wants to reach for the bite. But he doesn't. Minseok knows he's bordering on hysterical but he can't help but scoff that it has taken this long for Luhan to show an ounce of fucking sense.

But then Luhan is covering up the wince with another smile. He stands and Minseok considers pushing him to sit down again. He doesn't like the difference in their heights. It makes him feel small and insignificant and he's so fucking _sick_ of feeling small and insignificant.

"Are you hungry, Minseok? I brought dinner."

"Leave."

They speak at the same time and Luhan blinks, taken back. Minseok thinks that's what it is, at least. Luhan's emotions are louder in his head when they're this close but he's pushing them away as hard he can. He doesn't really care to know what Luhan is feeling.

It's not like Luhan has ever taken Minseok's feelings into account.

"Leave."

Luhan frowns. A crease appears between his eyebrows and his arms twitch forward like he's going to reach for Minseok. Minseok takes a big step back. "Minseok... Can we talk, please? I just want to talk. You don't have to come with me or anything." Luhan flinches in surprise when Minseok laughs. It's harsh, empty laughter and it feels like it's scraping Minseok's throat raw as it leaves.

How nice it is of Luhan to make sure Minseok knows he doesn't have to go anywhere with him. How nice it is of him to give Minseok that kind of power over his own fucking body. Minseok laughs because he think he will cry if he doesn't.

"I don't want to talk to you. I want you to leave." Minseok doesn't want him to come back either, but he knows that's a pipe dream. Junmyeon has told him bits and pieces of what Yifan has told him about demons and humans and how it's a relentless force; Luhan won't stop coming back. Minseok doesn't know if it's because there's something uncontrollable driving him or if it's because he wants Minseok and doesn't care if Minseok wants him back or not.

Minseok doesn't really care either way. He just wants Luhan to leave him alone.

But Luhan doesn't leave. He doesn't reach for Minseok again, but he doesn’t leave either. "I'm sorry, Minseok, please. I understand that I hurt you and I know that you have every right to be angry at me, but please be angry at me in the apartment. Or be angry at me here, but just let me help you."

It's the first time Luhan has ever said sorry. Minseok tightens his grip on the doorknob. Thirteen days later and Luhan finally fucking says sorry. Minseok wonders why it hurts to realize he matters so little to Luhan that it took two weeks to apologize.

Minseok doesn't even try to cover his misery with laughter this time. He wipes furiously at his eyes and pushes Luhan away when the demon tries to help him. All the hurt resurfaces at once and it's too much for him to take. It's too much for anyone to take.

"I'm sorry. I really, truly am. I shouldn't have done what I did and I realize that now. You matter to me, a whole lot, and I'm so-"

"Why are you sorry," Minseok asks through the tears. "What are even you sorry for? Do you even know or are you just saying it because you think it's what I want to hear?" It doesn't matter that he's right, that is what Minseok wants to hear. There's something hollow about the apology, fake in how he never says what he's sorry for.

He waits. He doesn't know why he waits, but he waits for Luhan to explain to him why he's sorry. Minseok waits to hear that Luhan realizes he took all the power in the situation and that he's sorry for how helpless he made Minseok feel. But Luhan doesn't say anything.

Luhan finally apologizes after two weeks and it's not even a real apology.

Minseok starts to close the door, another little part of him shrivels up and starts to die. Luhan makes a yelp of protest, saying that he's sorry and that he'll do anything to make Minseok feel better, to change himself and fix what he did wrong.

"You don't even know what you did wrong," Minseok whispers. Minseok doesn't have to forgive him. Minseok doesn't even have to let him apologize. This could be the end of it all. He could slam the door in Luhan's face and leave the demon to wither away.

He's so tired of being angry and hurt. He has been angry and hurting for the past two weeks and he doesn't want to feel so awful anymore. Minseok doesn't know why he says it but, "Leave me alone. Don't come back unless you know what you're sorry for. I deserve more than an empty apology."

* * *

Luhan comes back ten days later.

When Minseok opens the door and finds the demon standing there with a bag of take-out, he’s honestly surprised. Luhan was so persistent and unyielding before that Minseok had expected him to return the next night without even remembering what Minseok said. And when he didn’t Minseok just expected him to stay gone. That or he expected to have a screaming match in the hallway of his apartment because Luhan pushed him too far.

But Luhan did not. Luhan didn’t come back the next night, or the night after that, or the night after that. Ten nights Luhan stayed away. Minseok didn’t know what to think.

And now, Luhan is here and staring at the ground with a nervous frown. Minseok stares at him from the threshold and doesn’t know what to do. He thought – imagined – slamming the door in Luhan’s face if he came back, but that was when he imagined Luhan coming back the next night – the same delusional, obtuse bastard he’s always been.

Minseok can feel Luhan’s emotions a little clearer from this close. He’s not confident, not hopeful or excited or anything close. He’s just sad. Sad and anxious. Minseok can’t tell if the anxiety in his chest is his own or Luhan’s. It’s strange.

“Why are you here,” Minseok tightens his grip on the doorknob and gets ready to slam the door shut again. He hates himself for it, but he’s hopeful. He wants Luhan to say he’s sorry so that they can close the door on this, maybe part ways without this hatred and anger simmering between them. There’s a very, very small part of him that almost wants to Luhan to apologize so that they can move past this to maybe, possibly being friends.

He blames that on the fact that Fate decided they were meant to be together and is trying like hell to make them fit. It doesn’t change that fact that some part of him still wants it though.

Luhan doesn’t respond, mouth opening and closing as his fingers flex where they’re holding the bag. “Why are you here,” Minseok repeats.

Things are quiet in the hallway. Minseok can hear his heartbeat in his ears and wonders if Luhan is doing the same. He wonders if demons have heartbeats. Minseok has a vague memory of sleeping on Luhan’s chest, of waking up for a brief moment to Luhan easing him off and telling him that he’ll be right back. The memory of a heartbeat under his ear is likely there if he looks for it. He doesn’t look for it.

Luhan scuffs the toe of his shoe against the floorboards and it looks so _human._ It reminds Minseok of the man at the bar, the man in the car who was so excited to get to know him. “You said to come back when I figured out what I was sorry for. And I’m here.”

“And? You’re here. What’s that supposed to mean?” Luhan looks up in surprise. Minseok is grateful that he at least doesn’t have the audacity to act hurt. “You act like you haven’t shown up before whether I wanted you here or not. Why is this time any different?”

Luhan gnaws on the inside of his cheek, “Because I listened – for once. And I didn’t come back until I-I figured out what I was sorry for. And I really fucked up, didn’t I?” Minseok nods. “Took me long enough to figure that out, huh? I shouldn’t be making jokes right now; you haven’t been laughing since I did…that. Can I come in? I have a lot to apologize for and I don’t really want to have the whole apartment building hearing our – your business.”

Minseok’s stomach clenches like he’s about to throw up. He remembers it feeling like this when he was a senior in high school and staring at the envelope that held what could have been an acceptance or rejection letter from his first-choice college. He remembers this feeling from when he had to decide which job offer he wanted to take when he graduated.

It’s the feeling of standing at a precipice with no way back; no matter what choice he makes, no matter what the unknown holds, he’s going over the cliff. The only difference his choice makes is where he’ll land.

He can either let Luhan in or slam the door in his face. Minseok’s not an idiot. He reads further into it than just that. He can give Luhan the chance to fix what he broke or Minseok can put himself back together and try to adapt to a very lonely immortality.

“No shoes past the welcome mat. And close the door behind you.” Minseok turns away and walks back into his apartment, heart thundering in his chest. He waits for a wave of regret that doesn’t come. Instead, he turns back around to Luhan toeing his shoes off at the door, staring at the floor like it holds the world’s secrets. Which it might. Maybe it will tell Minseok why he let Luhan into his apartment.

“Where should I put the food? I didn’t know what you like so I just picked up toasted ravioli from the pizza place on Main.”

“You didn’t ask Baekhyun,” Minseok asks and his voice is sharp, sharp enough that Luhan flinches.

“No,” Luhan stops a few feet away from where Minseok has settled on the couch. Minseok watches his face soften as he takes in Minseok wrapped in one of his throw blankets. And then Luhan drops his gaze and his face shutters closed, guilt appearing in the corners of his frown. “It would’ve be rubbing salt in the wound, going behind your back to Baekhyun – you wouldn’t be able to choose what I know about you and that’s what I’m trying to not do again. He misses you, by the way. That’s not really relevant, but he asked me to tell you that he wants to apologize too.”

“I’m not ready to talk to him yet.” Luhan nods like he understands, quick, jerky movements like he’s afraid Minseok will kick him out if he doesn’t agree with everything he says. He feels powerful; it feels good. “But you can put the food on the kitchen counter. I don’t want to eat until after we’ve talked.”

“You get stomach cramps when you’re nervous too?”

Minseok blinks in surprise and looks over to Luhan. The demon is already shuffling over to the kitchen counter to set the food down. Minseok wants to see his face, see if he looks guilty because he got the information about Minseok’s stomach through Baekhyun. But when Luhan looks back, he’s just embarrassed. “I threw up the morning Yifan called. After he’d been freed from the house. It doesn’t happen often, but I know what it feels like.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Luhan walks back to the edge of the living room rug and stays there. He fidgets, feet shuffling in place and fingers fussing with the hem of his shirt. Minseok just stares. He doesn’t know what to do here. It’s obvious Luhan wants to sit down; Minseok should let him, cut out that inherent power imbalance of having to look up at him. But Minseok only has one couch and he doesn’t trust Luhan to keep to the other end of the couch if he sits. He could tell him to sit on the floor, maybe, though that would feel a bit like an overkill.

So Minseok waits for Luhan to move on his own. He doesn’t know where he expects Luhan to go, but he expects him to move without Minseok’s permission. It wouldn’t be the first time, nor the second, nor the third. Luhan doesn’t. “Can I sit?” Minseok drops his gaze to the rug and stares at the lines of each shape, following the geometric pattern as he turns the thought over and over in his mind.

Approach-avoidance conflict, choosing between two options that have attractive and unattractive outcomes. Minseok remembers his professor in Intro to Psych from freshman year calling it the hardest of all the conflicts to manage. Minseok hadn’t understood it then, but he does now.

If Luhan stays standing, he’s far away and Minseok is out of reach. Minseok also has to give away the little bit of power he’s amassed because he’ll have to look up at Luhan. Luhan’ll have the high ground. If Luhan sits down, they’ll be on the same level and things will feel as equal as they can considering everything else. But Luhan will be close; Minseok would probably be able to kick him in the side of the leg if he wanted to try. Luhan would be able to touch _him_ if he wanted to.

“Other end of the couch.”

Luhan is smiling when Minseok looks back up, just a tiny uptick in the corners of his mouth. “Of course,” he says and walks around the back of the couch to sit down. “Thank you.” Minseok grunts in response and looks Luhan in the eye, holding his gaze for as long as he can. Luhan needs to know Minseok isn’t scared of him. Minseok’s not giving up any more control, any more power.

“I’m sorry,” Luhan starts. He drops the eye contact for a moment and then his gaze flicks up again, determination and guilt warring so clearly in his face. “I just wanted to put that out there again. I was still sorry when you told me leave before. But you were right when it was empty. I knew that I had done something to upset you and I think I figured that you would come back if I apologized for it.

“Obviously, that was wrong. A lot of things I think I know about you are wrong. Probably because I haven’t been listening to you; I just let you speak and then keep going with what I think is right. And I’m sorry for that too. I know it’s not the Big Thing I’m apologizing for, but I’m sorry for that too. I’m trying to work on it.”

Minseok chews on the inside of his cheek and drops the eye contact, some ugly, twisted feelings coming undone in his chest. As they unwind, the feelings he’s worked to shove down come up. He doesn’t trust himself to not cry if he keeps looking at Luhan. He doesn’t trust himself to not cry regardless, but he doesn’t want Luhan to see it. Minseok needs to keep his feelings close to his chest where no else can see and pick them apart. He doesn’t know if Luhan will actually pick them apart but he doesn’t want to test it.

Luhan sighs. And then he sighs again. Minseok watches his fingers play with a loose string on his pants as the silence stretches on. "When you told me to leave, I was really upset – you had every right to tell me leave, I realize that now, but I was upset. At first I was just going to come back the next day and try again. But I called Baekhyun," Luhan pauses and cringes like he thinks Minseok might explode. Minseok doesn't. The idea of Baekhyun and Luhan talking about him still makes his skin crawl, but there's an end to this story and he wants to hear it.

He can always explode after.

"Baek told me not to. He said that I was going to lose you if I kept pushing like that. He told me to _listen_ to what you were trying to say. I told him what you told me and then he told me that I should figure out what the fuck I was apologizing for. I agreed so he'd stop nagging, but thought I would pretend to think about it for a few days and then come back and you and I would work things out.

"Then I sat down and asked myself what I was sorry for. I looked over everything I could remember having said or done to you since we met and... Have you ever looked back on a fight and realized it was your fault the whole time? Because I had never done that before and it really, really sucks." Minseok snorts and his lip twitches like it wants to start curving into a smile. Luhan is smiling, self-deprecating and guilty, and it widens into something a little more real.

"The more I looked back and picked apart everything and tried to see things from your side, the more I realized how badly I'd hurt you," Luhan's voice sounds like it's getting stuck in his throat, thickening as he finishes his sentence. Minseok narrows his eyes and draws his eyebrows together in confusion.

Luhan turns away from him and Minseok watches as his hands curl into fists on his thighs. The demon takes a deep breath and it comes out shuddering. Minseok realizes distantly that Luhan might be about to cry.

"I wasn't... I figured out what I was apologizing for last week and it took me up until today to get the courage to actually face you. And I thought I would be able to talk about it without crying, which was obviously wrong. But please don't think I'm doing this to guilt you or something, because I'm not and you have nothing to apologize for. I'm just – I was never supposed to _hurt_ you." Tears start to fall and Minseok sucks in a breath at the bone-deep sadness in his chest, echoing around his ribcage. He almost wants to ask Luhan to leave. He doesn't want any more sadness in his life. He doesn't need this despair when he has so much of his own.

But he doesn't. Minseok sits there and listens as Luhan wipes at his face and keeps talking, "I know that sounds stupid because I did hurt you, I hurt you a lot. I made you feel so powerless, didn't I? I didn't ask about biting you; I just did and I didn't even fucking think about how that might make you feel until I was literally forced to. I'm going to be honest, I have no idea how that actually made you feel because I've never not been in a position of power. But I tried to imagine it and imagine how scared you must have been when you first woke up and you didn't understand and –

"I'm just sorry. For everything. I had this whole speech planned about apologizing for every instance I took control away from you or put myself in a position of power over you – I understand why the telekinesis scares you now. I had planned everything out and now I’m here and I’m looking at you. You still look so tired. You look _so tired_ because I fucked up and didn’t let you decide when we should bond so _of course_ you don’t want me to take care of you. I’m so sorry, Minseok.”

Luhan dissolves into quiet tears, burying his face in his hands. It’s deathly quiet, just the sounds of their breathing and the creaking of the apartment building. Minseok doesn’t know what to say, so he says nothing at all. All he knows is that there’s more than Luhan’s telling him, twisted, thorny emotions that aren’t Minseok’s sitting untouched in his chest.

It takes time. It takes time and Minseok mulling over every word of Luhan’s apology to make the words come out. “Thank you,” Minseok whispers, “for apologizing.”

“Please, don’t forgive me. I really, really don’t deserve forgiveness o-or much of anything, really. I don’t – I…I set up an account for you today. I have the information for it in the bag with the takeout and I know it’s going over your head _again_. But I wanted to make sure you didn’t have to worry about money while you were recovering and I’m not coming back after tonight, so I won’t be able to keep making sure you’re okay. I’m sorry, Minseok, I won’t keep intruding anymore. I think it’s time I finally listened to you, right? I’m sorry. And goodbye.”

Luhan stands then, still wiping at his face. He’s almost halfway to the door when Minseok fully processes all he’s said. Luhan isn’t coming back anymore. He’s leaving Minseok alone. It’s all Minseok’s wanted since he realized what the bite on his shoulder meant.

But he doesn’t know if that’s what he wants anymore.

The apology doesn’t make up for the pain. Apologies never do. They aren’t meant to, for the most part. Apologies are to show that someone is taking responsibility for what they’ve done wrong and are making an effort not to do it again. Luhan apologized for making him feel so out of control and helpless. Luhan took responsibility and – he waited for Minseok’s permission for everything since he knocked on the door.

There’s still so much running around in his head. So much that Luhan still needs to fix, so much anger and sadness that Minseok needs to work through. So much trust that has to be built from the ground up to even form the semblance of a friendship.

Minseok can feel the link between them, so thin and weak it’s like a single strand of hair connecting them together. It’s alive though. It’s more alive than it has ever been. He taps into it for a split-second as Luhan is walking to the door and gets a wave of loneliness that nearly knocks the wind out of him. He sees his own face lit up by the lights of the club and feels the moment Luhan realized who he was. Minseok has always suspected that Luhan wants to possess him, that the first emotion he felt when they first met was greed, something dirty and wrong, something Minseok can hate.

The first thing Luhan thought when he realized who Minseok was about how to keep him smiling for the rest of his life.

Minseok meets Luhan just as he’s closing the door behind him. Luhan startles. Minseok isn’t sure what he’s doing, but he keeps the door from closing and looks Luhan in the eye. His heart thumps calmly in his ears, no stress or terror forcing it to quicken. Minseok isn’t thinking everything through but he knows that this is what he wants at this moment in time.

“Luhan, come back tomorrow. Things aren’t fixed, okay? I don’t know when they will be or how long it’s going to take for me to feel okay with you, but this was a good start.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The mild suicidal ideation occurs when Baekhyun calls Minseok and lasts until the break. It's just a few lines so you can skip it without losing any plot points <3


	3. Education

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter and then this fic is done! Thank you all so much for reading it and giving it so much support <3 I really hope you enjoy this chapter!
> 
> This chapter mentions some symptoms of mental illness, nothing graphic, but some symptoms of depression/anxiety, etc.
> 
> As always, a big thank you to [Aarushi](https://twitter.com/AarushiC_18) for being the best beta in the whole wide world!

Luhan returns the next day. Minseok hesitates in front of the door when he knocks and wonders if he should answer. He told Luhan to come back in a strange moment of relief, he’d been breathing easier for the first time in weeks. He’s not sure if he regrets it or not.

Minseok opens the door. Luhan looks from the floor and his shoe is still mid-scuff. He smiles a little. Minseok doesn’t attempt to smile back, and Luhan doesn’t seem to mind. There’s Tupperware in the demon’s arms. “Hungry,” he asks. Minseok nods. He spent so much time replaying the night before in his head, trying to wonder why he had invited Luhan back, to remember to make himself dinner. He steps aside and takes the containers from Luhan as he shuffles through the door. “It’s just rice and chicken. I figured you’d have the spices and stuff that you like over here.”

“Thanks,” Minseok gestures for Luhan to take a seat in the living room. He goes to kitchen and grabs a handful of spices, throwing whatever sounds good into one container and shoving the other in the fridge for later. He pauses as he’s closing the refrigerator door and realizes there’s a good chance Luhan brought two containers because he needed to eat too.

“Was the other one for you?”

Luhan startles. He’d been staring at the blank TV screen like it held the secrets of the universe. Minseok smiles to himself. If the TV held the secrets to the universe, he would’ve figured them out weeks ago, when the TV kept turning off from inactivity but he was too tired to reach for the remote to turn it back on. “No, I already ate,” Luhan tries for another smile that ends up somewhere around an uncomfortable grimace. Minseok nods and forces himself out of the sanctuary of the kitchen and back into the living room.

They settle on the opposite ends of the couch again, staring at each other from across the cushions. It’s not far, but the distance feels like miles and Minseok breathes easier because of it. The silence settles between them. Words left unspoken, words neither of them know need to be said.

Minseok stares at the collar of Luhan’s shirt and eats. It takes some of the pressure off of him to speak. Not that he expects Luhan to say much either. He doesn’t know what can be said. Luhan meant for last night to be the end, no chance for him to make up for his mistakes or for Minseok to decide if he wants to forgive those mistakes. For Minseok to learn if he even can. Luhan never planned to say more. He never planned for a follow-up. There’s so much that needs to be addressed, so many wounds to tend to. Minseok doesn’t know where to begin.

So he begins at the end. “I don’t want your money.” Luhan blinks once, twice, like he’s confused. “Last night, you said there was an account with my name on it that you’d put money into. I don’t want it.”

“Oh,” Luhan says quietly, “why?”

“Makes me feel like you don’t think I can take care of myself. Makes me feel helpless.” It takes him longer than he thinks it should to get the words out. Talking about his feelings has never been his expertise. It’s one thing to get upset; there’s something infinitely harder about admitting it. “I just don’t want to feel like I owe you something.”

“You don’t! You don’t owe me anything.” Luhan is so earnest, something in his eyes that tells Minseok that he _needs_ him to understand. “I owe you. I know that you missed work for a few weeks – because of me. I was trying to make up for that.”

Minseok nods. He doesn’t know what else to say. He still doesn’t want the money, but it feels pointless to argue. He doesn’t have to touch it. No one can make him spend it. Luhan seems determined for him to have it just in case; he never has to use it though.

“Have a lot to make up for,” Luhan murmurs. “And I’m trying. I realize more and more everyday too. I see things I should’ve done differently, things I shouldn’t have done at all. But I’m – uh – I’m working on it, you know?” Minseok does not know. He’s not the one at fault. He’s not reason all of this happened. Minseok gives Luhan a little smile anyway.

He doesn’t have any reason for it, maybe because it just feels right to smile. They’re stumbling around in the dark now, trying to feel out what to do when neither of them knows how to make this awful situation any better. But they’re trying. They’re at the beginning of a road that may never end but they’re taking the first steps anyway. It’s a start. It’s more than he ever imagined giving Luhan. He did though, and there’s a fragile, half-withered thing between them now. What the thing is, Minseok doesn’t have a clue, but it’s there.

Luhan returns his smile and they slip back into silence, more comfortable than the last.

Time passes by in heartbeats and the shifting of fabric over couch cushion. Luhan gets comfortable on the couch, Minseok finishes his food and sets the empty container on the coffee table. “You should probably start taking your Tupperware back. I have like eight containers already. Ten if you count what you brought tonight. And I washed it, so…” He trails off, words dying somewhere in his throat as he picks at a loose thread on the couch cushion.

“Yeah,” Luhan says, “good to take home?” Minseok nods.

“Good to take home.” Minseok starts to say something else and then stops. It’s all jumbled in his head, ideas running into each other and twisting together until he can’t pick them apart. He doesn’t know what he wants to say. Even if he does say something, he isn’t sure it’ll make any sense.

Luhan is smiling at him though, eyes bright and attentive as he leans in just a hair closer. Minseok hasn’t even said anything – he feels listened to. It’s strange, not bad, but _strange_.

“Tomorrow, I think I wanna talk about what happened. Just my feelings, my side of things.” He doesn’t know how to tell Luhan that he means he doesn’t want the demon to say anything about it. He just wants Luhan to listen tomorrow. Minseok wants these awful, ugly feelings gone. He wants to feel like he isn’t carrying everything on his own; Luhan should have to help him carry that weight too.

Luhan nods. His face softens and turns sadder than before. Minseok tentatively reaches for the thing connecting them together and feels a wave of relief when the sadness feels more like guilt and less like Luhan doesn’t want to be told everything he did wrong. There’s something happy there too. Minseok doesn’t dive deeper and try to see the feelings behind it. He doesn’t need the string tying him to Luhan to know that the demon is happy that he gets to come back again the next night.

Minseok walks Luhan to the door that night. He keeps more than an arm’s reach between them, but he walks Luhan to the door all the same. Luhan smiles at that. Even as he keeps his hands clasped in front of them where Minseok can see, he’s smiling.

* * *

It rains the next night, drops pattering against Minseok’s windows. Luhan is damp when Minseok opens the door for him. He watches as the demon shakes off as much water as he can out in the hallway and meticulously wipes his feet on the welcome rug. “Didn’t think it was gonna rain when I left the house or I would’ve brought an umbrella.” The lids of the Tupperware containers have little puddles of raindrops that shake when Luhan hands them to him.

Minseok takes them. It’s soup today, still warm. Minseok stomach grumbles quietly and Luhan blinks at the sound. Minseok feels his warm rush of satisfaction at being helpful, at taking care of Minseok. The satisfaction isn’t smug like it should be. It feels more like a relief, like watching a stray cat eat the food that’s been left out for it and knowing that it will have a full stomach when it goes to sleep that night. Knowing that there’s no justified reason to approaching the cat so doing what can be done from afar and relaxing when it works.

“Did you eat already,” Minseok asks. The thoughts of stray cats disappear and fade away as Luhan nods. “Okay. I guess go take a seat. And I’ll grab the clean Tupperware; you forgot it last night.”

“Oh yeah,” Luhan smiles and there’s something nervous and embarrassed, something oddly young, in the pull of his lips. Minseok shifts the Tupperware in his arms up to cover his face and watches Luhan over the lids. “That was my bad.”

He turns away and shuffles to the kitchen to put away the food. The other Tupperware from last night is still in the fridge, but the soup is already warm and Minseok is cold and lazy. He stares at the little tower of clean Tupperware and knows that it wasn’t just Luhan’s fault. It’s the only thing so far that wasn’t his fault, but forgetting the Tupperware wasn’t Luhan’s fault. “I forgot too.” Minseok’s voice is muffled.

Everything is muffled with the rain coming down so hard. It’s like a blanket separating the world into little pieces. This apartment is one, made up of a creaky heater and windows that tend to leak and Minseok and Luhan staring at each other from opposite sides of the couch, miles apart.

The gloom from the rain makes everything seem that much colder, the distance that much more impossible to ever overcome. If they even want to overcome it. Minseok still isn’t sure. He’s trying to be sure though, trying to make up his mind and decide what he wants. It’s harder than he ever imagined. He pulls a blanket off the couch to shut out the sudden cold.

The rain is a gentle reminder of the time passing them by. Minseok eats his dinner and thinks, words that he has had ready to scream at Luhan since the morning he first woke up with the bite on his shoulder vanishing into thin air as he calls for them. If he really, truly wanted to, he could force himself into a downward spiral of anger and call the words up from wherever they’ve hidden. He doesn’t want to.

He’s tired of being angry. He’s done. The anger hasn’t done him any good, not really. If he looks back, he sees that fueled him enough to move from one point to the next, but it also left him more exhausted than when he started. He just wants to talk and let the feelings pour out as they will.

The bite is healing; he’d like to too.

Minseok starts slow, picking out each word. “I was so angry when I realized what you’d done.” Luhan looks up from his own hands. He looks surprised for a second, but then his face calms back down and he nods. “You didn’t have any right to do that. It was supposed to be my choice. You took that away and – I didn’t know what to do. I was so tired and just getting up and walking was so hard. And I was so mad at you. You seemed like a really great guy and I…I really liked you that night. I thought you were a little strange, but I really liked you. I had planned on asking if you’d want to get breakfast in the morning or something.”

Minseok finally looks up from his own hands, pausing the rush of words to breathe. It’s easier to tell these things to his hands than to Luhan, but he needs to know that Luhan is listening to him. He needs Luhan to hear and understand and _listen_. Minseok sees a look on his face that’s strangely similar to Junmyeon’s when he talks about Yifan and realizes that Yifan will likely leave him for someone else one day. It’s the most devastating kind of heartbreak – realizing that what you’ve always needed is right in front of you but isn’t yours and will never be.

Minseok ignores the look on Luhan’s face. It makes him confused and his own chest aches for just a second. He had forgotten how easy this could’ve been. If Luhan had just waited and thought, things could have been so easy. It would’ve been two people getting to know each other with the confirmation that they’re meant to be together giving them somewhere to start.

Instead, they’re _this_.

“I don’t know why I went back with you after Junmyeon’s house. Maybe because I knew Junmyeon would have to take care of me if I didn’t and I didn’t want to put that pressure on him. I couldn’t take care of myself. Even when I managed to get back here after I left your apartment the second time, I couldn’t take care of myself. Everything was so hard. I was so scared the entire time. From the moment I realized what had happened to now, I’ve been scared.

“I have no control here. Any power I have is arbitrary and meaningless because you _gave_ it to me. You’re like, what, ten times stronger than me? And you can move things with your _mind_. What do I have to protect myself with? I couldn’t even make you listen to me when I said I wanted to sleep on the couch. I’ve been so powerless. It’s exhausting being scared of you, Luhan.”

They lapse into silence. There’s still so many things to be said that Minseok can’t force out. He has no idea how to make himself say the words. Minseok doesn’t even understand all of his emotions. There are some times where there were so many emotions wrapped around each other that Minseok can’t pick them all apart and look at them all. He doesn’t know how he’s supposed to explain those feelings to Luhan if he can’t explain them to himself.

It feels good to have that anger and hurt out of his chest though. It’s still there, but they’re not lodged deep inside where he can’t pull them out. They’re out in the air now, floating in the space between him and Luhan. Minseok can look at them and understand that he was in pain without having to relive every excruciating moment.

The pain isn’t only Minseok’s to shoulder.

The rain is slowly morphing into a storm outside his window, lightning coming down as thunder rumbles overhead. For a moment, it looks like destruction and mistakes. The winds will tear tree limbs down and the mud will be disgusting to deal with. He wonders if that’s supposed to mean something to him. He breathes. And thinks of the rain bringing plants to life. Rain is a part of life. Pain is a part of life. But storms are large and destructive, they cover whole cities. Whole cities weather the storm together and then work to rebuild after. It’s never supposed to be one person doing everything on their own.

“You can say something if you want,” Minseok finally breathes out. It’s never supposed to be one person shouldering everything on their own. “I don’t – I don’t think I want you to talk about your feelings right now, but you can still talk.”

Luhan nods. He nods and stares at the couch cushions, looks out at the rain. Luhan looks at the rain for a long time. Minseok wonders what he sees in it. Destruction? Rebirth? An end or a beginning? Minseok still isn’t sure what he sees in Luhan, but he thinks it could be something worth watching. Luhan listened; Minseok can feel that understanding thrumming down the string connecting them together. He listened.

“I don’t understand everything. I don’t think I ever will.” They’re both still looking out at the rain as Luhan speaks. It’s likely for the best. Hard things are easier to say to the open air than to other people. “I’ve never been powerless. I’ve always been the one in control. So I don’t understand everything you felt the way I wish I could. But I understand that you’re hurting and that you need to know you’re safe and not helpless. I understand that there are things I need to fix, space I need to give you.”

“I don’t understand it all either. There’re a lot of feelings I haven’t figured out yet. There are things I don’t think I’m ready to look at yet. So I’m not… I guess I’m working on it? Figuring out what I felt and still feel and stuff.”

Luhan nods. “And I’m gonna get better at listening and understanding. I’m working on myself too.” He rests his head on the back of the couch, turning to look over at Minseok. Minseok meets his gaze and attempts half a smile. Luhan gives him one in return and suddenly the couch doesn’t feel quite so long.

Minseok reaches down into the place where he can feel Luhan and the string between them and blinks as it grows that much stronger, glows a pretty blue for just a second. There’s no emotions traveling between them. It’s just a quiet, content radio silence, but it’s nice. Minseok thinks that it’s nicer than anything else they’ve had between them so far.

“We’re working on it, yeah? Both of us are working on it.” Luhan smiles so wide and happiness bursts like a firework in Minseok’s chest.

He thinks that Luhan likes thinking about the two of them as an ‘us’. Minseok doesn’t think of them as the kind of ‘us’ he knows Luhan wants, but it feels less like they’re separate entities never to be grouped together and more like two people sitting across from each other on a couch. They’re two people doing their best to fix the ugly, broken thing sitting between them.

Minseok stops Luhan that night before he leaves. The demon pauses at the door and shuffles awkwardly. He keeps both feet firmly on the welcome mat even though his shoes are still off, and Minseok smiles to himself as he turns around to grab the Tupperware out of the kitchen. “Here,” he says and presses the containers into Luhan’s arms, “so you don’t run out and I don’t have a small army of Tupperware taking over my kitchen.”

Luhan laughs. It’s a nice sound.

“And you can eat over here. You know that, right? You can eat on the couch as long as you don’t make a mess. It feels awkward to be the only one eating.”

“Oh, I – uh – I can do that. Yeah, I’ll bring my dinner with me too then…tomorrow?” Minseok nods. “Tomorrow,” Luhan repeats, “I’ll bring dinner for both of us tomorrow. Is there anything in particular you want?” Minseok shakes his head. “Let me know if there’s ever anything you want me to make. I’d be happy to. But I guess I’ll head out now. So, see you tomorrow, I guess.”

“Yeah, see you tomorrow.”

Minseok waits at the door as he watches Luhan walk back towards the elevator. He curls his fingers in the hem of his shirt, fighting with himself about what he should do. Luhan is just about to step into the elevator when Minseok leans out into the hallway. “Good night, Luhan.” Luhan startles and turns on his heel, eyes wide as he stares at Minseok from down the hall. And then he smiles.

Things between them aren’t okay. Minseok doesn’t know when they’ll be okay, but at this moment, in this tiny spot of space and time, things are little more okay than they were before.

* * *

“Why did you do it?” Luhan chokes on his mouthful of noodles and Minseok winces. He reaches out to pat Luhan on the back and hesitates. They don’t touch. They sit on opposite ends of the couch and talk; sometimes they smile, but they don’t touch. It’s been like this for two weeks. They keep to themselves and do not touch. Luhan coughs. Minseok wants to touch, to check on him and rub at his back so he doesn’t suffocate, but then Luhan is clearing his throat and Minseok pulls his hand back.

He doesn’t ask himself why he wanted to help Luhan. He lets the impulse pass him by and pretends it didn’t bother him.

Luhan puts his dinner down on the coffee table and wipes at his mouth. He’s a messy eater. Minseok noticed that the first night Luhan ate dinner here; he keeps a paper towel on his lap to catch any of the food he drops because he’s such a mess. Minseok remembers Luhan turning to him once and watching as he ate, staring with wide eyes. _“How do you eat so neatly?”_ Minseok remembers laughing and shrugging, saying that he just did.

Luhan tries to copy how Minseok eats now. The demon can’t, because he doesn’t have the extra room in his cheeks to hold food from bites that are too big, but he tries. It honestly just makes a bigger mess. Luhan cleans up after himself though. He’s very careful to make sure that any food he drops makes its way back to his mouth or onto the paper towel. Every night before he leaves, he checks to make sure he hasn’t left a mess behind.

Minseok appreciates that.

“I – uh – didn’t quite catch that, Minseok.” Luhan pushes his dinner away in a way that makes Minseok think he did. Luhan can’t eat when he’s upset. He never asks that they wait to talk about the things that make him upset until after he eats though. Luhan will just put his food down when Minseok decides he’s ready to start talking and never complains.

Minseok almost tells him to finish his food first. But he doesn’t. It doesn’t feel right yet. “Why did you take me home that night?”

Luhan stares straight ahead. His hands sit limply on his thighs, like the fight has rushed out of him all at once. Minseok doesn’t understand. Luhan hasn’t fought him on anything, not since the first night they sat down and decided to talk. He wonders if that’s because they’ve never strayed onto a topic they could fight about. He can feel Luhan’s hesitance, can feel his own too. He’s not sure if he really wants to hear what Luhan has to say – he has to. He needs to know why Luhan chose to do what he did that night.

He waits in silence for Luhan to answer him. He knows Luhan will, even if it takes forever for him to get the words out. Luhan starts and stops, starts and stops, mouth opening and closing as he tries to pull his thoughts together. Minseok waits.

Finally, “Don’t feel sorry for me after I tell you this. I don’t deserve the sympathy and I don’t want it. I’ve been looking for you since I surfaced. I woke up next to Yifan in the middle of a field and just knew that there was someone out there for me. I didn’t understand it because all my memories of before were – are still very fuzzy, but I knew that you were there and that I was supposed to find you.

“I didn’t search very hard at first. Yifan and I were traveling around together and learning how this plane works so I would still look, just checking the humans that we passed, but I didn’t go out and look. The first few centuries were fine. I visited Egypt for maybe two hundred years just to see what else was out there, but it was never explicitly to find you. And that was fine. I didn’t know any other demons who had met their humans, so I didn’t think too much of it.”

Minseok waits for the _but_. He doesn’t want to hear it. Whatever the _but_ is, it’s what started Luhan down the path that led them here.

And he knows there’s more to it. Luhan has had infinite opportunities to change the path he was on before it led them here. The _but_ isn’t at fault here. The _but_ didn’t force Luhan’s hand that night. Minseok knows that, knows it’s Luhan’s fault that they’re here. They _both_ know it’s Luhan’s fault; they’ve talked about it in bits and pieces every night for weeks. But it still scares him.

It’s the first domino, standing on an edge, ready to start a cascade that stops at the moment Luhan sunk his teeth into Minseok’s shoulder. He thinks – _pretends_ that maybe if he doesn’t know what that first domino was, what started it all, that maybe the rest of it will somehow reverse. Instead of sitting on opposite sides of the couch, trying to decide if there’s really anything left to salvage between them, they could be next to each other, happy.

Minseok thinks that if Luhan hadn’t done what he did that night, they could’ve been happy together. He sees a little of how they should fit together now. They’re puzzles pieces with chunks missing, places where they should be fitting too misshapen to work. He thinks that maybe, if he can find it in himself to try, they could tape and glue themselves back together. It won’t be like it should’ve been, it _can’t_ be, but they could fit together if they tried.

Luhan sighs and Minseok watches as he pinches the excess fabric of his sweatpants between his fingers and rubs them together. “Then Jackson found Mark. I don’t know if you’ve heard of them, but Jackson is a friend of mine and Yixing’s. He surfaced about roughly two thousand years after us and he can predict the future. I think you’d like him. But – uh – he met Mark right around the time the Ming were taking over China and I remember hearing about it and not believing it. No one I knew had met their human before then and I was floored when I first met Mark a year or so later and saw the scar on his shoulder.

“It reminded me that I had a human out there for me; you could’ve been a slave like Mark, waiting for me to come find you and take you away. And I realized I needed you, I wanted you there with me all the time. I _needed_ you.”

Minseok blinks. “Savior complex,” he mumbles. Luhan looks up with hurt in his eyes, the feeling bubbling in Minseok’s chest, and Minseok gives Luhan the friendliest smile he can muster. It was a joke, it was meant to be a joke. Luhan blinks once, twice, and then smiles too. “Not so much a damsel in distress, am I?”

“No,” Luhan huffs out a laugh, “no you’re not. And I’m glad. I don’t think I’d be as good as Yixing at being a rescuer.”

That’s a thought, Yixing as a rescuer. Baekhyun, when Minseok still talked to him, talked a little about meeting Yixing. It was never detailed, just a simple _he saved my life – twice._ Minseok never pressed and Baekhyun never explained more, but there’s something in the twist of Luhan’s mouth that makes him wonder what Baekhyun kept a secret. But it’s not time for Baekhyun’s story; Minseok is still waiting for Luhan.

“I traveled the world for over two centuries. Asia, Africa, Europe, I searched every corner of the world as I knew it for you. I found lots of interesting things, met a lot of wonderful people, but I never found what I was looking for, never met you. And I was a little lonely. I had seen how happy Jackson and Mark were together and I wanted that for myself, but it wasn’t unbearable.” Luhan pauses and takes a deep breath. The smile on his face turns sour and Minseok shifts uncomfortable in his seat. It’s not his fault that Luhan felt like that. He _knows_ it’s not. “No one I really cared for you had met their human, you know? It was just Yixing and Yifan and I.”

Minseok sucks in a breath and lets it out in a rush. Foreboding sits heavy in the pit of his stomach and it makes him a little nauseous. “And then Baekhyun.”

“And then Baekhyun.” Luhan nods and he buries his face in his hands. His next few exhales are shuddering, heavy things that make Minseok’s chest ache. It’s his own discomfort this time though, his own sadness. “Three thousand years. I had been alive for _three thousand years_. Yixing had too; he surfaced less than half a century after I did. Still, I had been alive for longer than Yixing, I was the one actually _looking_ for my human, but he found his first. I wondered if Yifan would be next and then I would be the last one.

“I was already so lonely. I stopped responding to letters for a while, burnt them before I even opened them. Those days were a blur of feeling _miserable_ all the time. I saw you in a dream once, actually. Just your eyes, watching me. I think Fate might have intervened for that, because you were still centuries away from being born. I think Fate did it to make me get up and start moving again.”

“Oh.” Minseok closes his eyes and remembers a dream back in his first year of college. Junmyeon was still in high school and Minseok was struggling to make friends and to adjust to college as a whole. He remembers feeling so lonely, so worthless. He remembers dreaming of brown eyes watching him from far, far away. _I love you more than anything, Minnie_. _Don’t forget that._ “I think I dreamt of you once too. It wasn’t – I didn’t like automatically get better, but I remember waking up and feeling like I mattered to someone.”

Luhan pulls his head out of his hands and smiles. “Yeah. Like there was someone out there who cared about you more than anyone.” Minseok nods. He had always thought his brain had just imagined Junmyeon with a strange, barely there accent, the product of a dream trying to create speech.

“After meeting Baekhyun, I lost myself to loneliness more often than not for a century. I searched frantically for you. I asked Jackson if he would look and tell me when I was going to meet you. He wouldn’t, because he said that would likely make the future change, but he said that I would meet you someday.

“The desperation faded after a while. I think maybe around the time America started fighting for independence, I had learned to accept that I was going to be lonely until Fate decided to bring me to you. I remember swearing that I would be perfect for you, that I would be able to give you everything you ever wanted and I would make you happier than you could ever imagine – fucked that one up, huh?” Luhan laughs. Minseok flinches because he expected it to be bitter and hollow and full of hatred aimed back at the demon. It’s not. It’s a little playful, making light of everything. Minseok laughs too, just a little.

“But then Yifan was sealed into the house and I forgot about you for a little while. I had to. Yifan’s my best friend and he needed me – you know what that’s like.”

Minseok’s chest seizes up and he shuts off his part of the bond. Luhan pauses and looks at him in confusion. Minseok waves it off, shrugging and refusing to explain. He knows Luhan won’t push. Luhan is happy for any little bit Minseok gives him; he won’t push him. But in that moment, Minseok feels like there are some parts of the puzzle pieces they won’t have to glue back into shape. He sees the easy acceptance that Junmyeon will always be one of the most important people in his life, sees the loyalty he treasures so much embodied in Luhan.

The demon had spent centuries searching for Minseok, but when Yifan needed him – _truly_ needed him, Minseok was forgotten.

That’s something Minseok thinks he would’ve loved about Luhan.

Luhan waits for a few moments and then goes back to his story, still watching Minseok carefully. “And then Yifan was freed and I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy in my entire existence as I was when I saw him for the first time.” There are tears gathering in Luhan’s eyes and he swallows. Minseok feels the bittersweet mixture of joy and sadness echoing off Luhan so thickly that it nearly suffocates him.

“It had been less than a century, you know. I’d gone that long without seeing him voluntarily before, but I always knew that he was okay. We would still send each other letters. But I never knew what really happened to him when he was sealed. The seals kept us from entering the house, kept Jackson from attempting to see into the future and look for Yifan. It took us so long to find him, and even then we couldn’t do anything. But then he calls me one day and I still don’t know how he got my number, but he calls me that morning and I hear his _voice_ ,” Luhan’s voice cracks and he dissolves into tears.

Minseok doesn’t think about it before he’s reaching over and putting a hand on Luhan’s arm. Luhan startles and almost jerks his arm away. Minseok blinks and tries to comprehend why he’s offering Luhan comfort. And then he decides he doesn’t care. Luhan had said not to sympathize, not to pity. But Minseok is a grown adult and Luhan doesn’t get to tell him what to do with his own emotions.

“I’m sorry,” Luhan croaks.

“Don’t be sorry. Yifan is your best friend. It’s not wrong to love him.” He doesn’t pull his hand back until Luhan stops crying. He thinks that things should be feel awkward between them now, but he doesn’t let it happen. If Minseok had been in Luhan’s place with Junmyeon in Yifan’s, he would’ve cried too. “What happened after Yifan came back?”

“I realized I was the last one left out of the three of us to find our huma- Oh shit. Shouldn’t have said that. Should not have said that.”

“Yifan found his human?” Minseok gets angry, emotions switching and spinning around so quickly he can’t think straight. “And he’s doing this to Junmyeon? Does he know how much Junmyeon loves him? That motherfucker, I’ll _kill_ him!”

“No! No no no! It is Junmyeon! That’s what Yifan told me before Junmyeon came home that day, that Junmyeon is his human and he was the one who freed him from the seals. Please calm down! Oh. Oh no. I wasn’t supposed to say any of this.” Minseok almost wants to laugh as he calms down. Luhan’s voice is still thick with leftover emotion and it makes him sound so ridiculous, but what he’s saying is so much to process.

He opens his mouth and Luhan cuts him off. “Yifan wants to wait to tell Junmyeon. Not my right to tell you why he’s waiting, but his reasons are legitimate. He loves Junmyeon more than anything and he would never mistreat him and I _promise_ he’s going to tell Junmyeon as soon as he’s ready. Just – Yifan should get to make the choice to tell Junmyeon, right? I’ve learned a few things about choice lately, and I think it should go both ways. Yifan chooses when he’s ready to tell Junmyeon and Junmyeon chooses when he’s ready to accept Yifan. Right?”

Minseok nods. It’s perfectly logical and he hates that, but he’s seen the way Yifan looks at Junmyeon. And choice matters. If Yifan isn’t ready to tell Junmyeon, that’s his right – as long as Junmyeon gets to wait until he’s ready to make that leap. Minseok _hates_ when things are so logical. “You promise?”

Luhan nods. “I’d never break a promise, especially not to you. Please, let’s go back to why I’m a fuck up and leave Yifan alone.” Minseok doesn’t know why he trusts that, but it settles him. If Luhan _promises_ , he can let the matter drop. A look at the clock says it’s getting late too, late enough that Luhan needs to finish his story so Minseok can go to bed. Yifan and his questionable decisions can wait – _for now._

“Finish your story before I change my mind and call Junmyeon.”

Luhan nods, the movement jerk and rushed. “After I realized I was the last one left, I got desperate. I had let Baekhyun set me up on a blind date before just to make him happy. He worried about me being alone a lot, so I thought he just wanted me to have _someone_. Now I realize he’s a meddler and should’ve told me about you from the moment he knew to give me some time to process it all, but I can’t change the past.

“I was desperate to find you after Yifan. I thought about you constantly. Baekhyun said he was working on another blind date, but I thought he just didn’t understand that I needed _you._ And then that night at the Black Pearl. I don’t think it showed, but I thought I was going to lose my fucking mind when I saw you. You were so beautiful and everything I’d ever wanted – most beautiful person I’d ever seen in nearly four thousand years. I panicked. I didn’t know you knew Junmyeon. I didn’t know you knew about demons. I just knew that you were my human and that I wanted to make you happy. I wanted you to stay with me so I could make you happy, and I thought that that would be my only chance.”

There’s a long, long pause. So long Minseok thinks that might be the end of the story, Luhan leaving off on some half-assed _only chance_. “I don’t think I was in my right mind. I just remember needing you and needing to make sure you stayed so that I could explain myself and treat you right.” Very, very quietly, “I was so scared of being alone again. You were there and I wasn’t alone. I didn’t know what I’d do if you left me, so I-I…you know what I did. Please don’t make me say it.”

Minseok wonders when he stopped being angry at Luhan. Actually stopped. He hasn’t forgiven, he _can’t_. But he’s not angry. There’s so much more to that night than Luhan being self-absorbed and stupid and not caring about Minseok. He doesn’t think Luhan was in his right mind either.

They’ve had weeks to sit together and watch and learn about each other. Minseok still thinks Luhan is an idiot and not all that skilled at understanding the emotions of others, but he’s not malicious. If he had thought about it, if he had had the mental fortitude to take a step back and think about every possible option, Minseok thinks he wouldn’t have done it. He still did, and Minseok can’t write that off or excuse it; Luhan is more than one mistake. There is more to him than the person Minseok met that night, the person he stayed with for those first few days and hated so strongly.

He thinks that maybe, little by little, he can find the parts of Luhan worth caring about. He can find a way to forgive.

That night when Luhan leaves, Minseok feels lighter. He thinks he has thought that a lot, that he’s been feeling lighter and lighter. But the all the anger is gone now. There’s nothing left of it to twist his thoughts. It is _truly gone_.

Minseok wants to fix this. He really, really wants to fix this thing between them. He doesn’t know how long it will take, but he wants to fix this so fucking bad. He wants to be able to look at Luhan and see someone he cares about. He wants to heal, he wants Luhan to heal – Luhan has never said it, but Minseok knows that there are things he needs to heal too.

Minseok stops Luhan at the door. “Minseok?” He takes a deep breath.

“Don’t hug me back,” he whispers and wraps his arms around Luhan’s middle. “I think you needed this earlier.” When Luhan was crying. Minseok thinks that maybe he needed this. He wasn’t ready to give it then, but he is now.

He doesn’t think he was ready to start forgiving then, but he thinks he might be now.

* * *

Days turn to weeks. Luhan comes over nearly every night. Some nights Minseok goes to Junmyeon’s house and they don’t see each other. It’s good, gives them some space from each other. And they need space; there are still some days where Minseok has a hard time talking to Luhan, still some days where he doesn’t want anything to do with him. Luhan understands those nights, stays to his side of the couch and doesn’t speak unless spoken to.

Those nights happen less and less as time passes and Minseok wakes each morning to find that he has forgiven Luhan a little more than the day before.

It’s nearing Halloween when Minseok decides he’s tired of talking about what happened. “Can we talk about something else?” He sets down his bowl and looks at Luhan from across the couch. The demon pauses and turns to him with noodles still hanging out of his mouth. Minseok laughs and feels Luhan’s answering joy.

The bond between them is always talking now, always telling Minseok what Luhan’s feeling even when they’re miles apart. He thought he would hate it. He finds himself leaning into it instead. When he feels sad, he opens up his end and lets Luhan know, searching for the sympathy he knows Luhan will give him. He’s figured out how to use it to explain how he felt before too, pulling up the memories of those emotions and sending them down the line. It does more to make Luhan understand than any words Minseok could ever find to describe his own feelings.

Now, he feels happy and Luhan responds in kind. Luhan slurps the noodles into his mouth and nearly chokes when he forgets to chew. Minseok pushes a water bottle across the coffee table and cringes at the half of a cough Luhan makes as he tries to talk. “Thanks,” he croaks. Minseok watches the demon down half the water bottle and then set his own bowl of soup on the coffee table. “We can talk about whatever you want.”

“I think I just want to start maybe putting it behind us and I don’t think we can do that if we talk about it every night, you know? I just want to start talking about things that don’t drag up old pain anymore.” Minseok shrugs and hopes he’s making sense. They’ve started to run out of things to talk about anyway. “So maybe we could just talk about music. Or movies or something?”

“Like friends?”

Minseok manages half a smile at how hopeful Luhan sounds, eyes big and round in muted excitement. He does a good job of toning himself down on the outside, but Minseok can feel the demon’s every emotion and he doesn’t think he’s ever seen Luhan hope like this before. “Yeah,” Minseok says, “like friends.”

Luhan smiles so wide Minseok worries that his face might freeze like that. But he’s smiling too. He hugs his legs close and rests his chin on his knees and smiles. Like friends, they’re like friends now. He thinks so, at least.

“Would you wanna watch something? Maybe kinda smooth over the awkward transition we’ve got going on,” Minseok asks after a few minutes of silence where they’re both trying to figure out how to talk like friends.

Luhan nods. “Whatever you wanna do. You mentioned that you’ve been too scared to watch _Stranger Things_ on your own, and I’m here right now. So…maybe?” Minseok forgot that he told Luhan about _Stranger Things_. That was nearly a month ago. He’s still too scared to watch it on his own, so that hasn’t changed, but he didn’t think Luhan would remember.

“Yeah, that sounds good. Have you seen it yet?” Luhan shakes his head. Minseok hums and grabs the remotes off the coffee table to turn on Netflix. “I guess that’s good; we’ll both be going into it blind. Maybe after an episode or two, you could tell me about what life was like when you first surfaced or something? Junmyeon doesn’t talk to Yifan about that stuff and I really wanna know so…”

Minseok blinks at the sudden wash of excitement from Luhan. He smiles and laughs. He laughs harder when Luhan realizes Minseok can feel everything and can tell how excited he is, cheeks turning pink as he turns back to his food to try and hide the embarrassment. Minseok can feel that too.

* * *

“Wait, you were born in Milwaukee? I thought you were born in Madison!” Luhan says with half a bite of pizza in his mouth, “I was _in_ Milwaukee when you born! I remember because Baekhyun was thinking about going back to college for a degree in neuroscience and I went with him to check out UWM!”

Minseok laughs, loud and squeaky as Luhan turns to mash his face into the couch and scream. He isn’t sure how they got on the topic, but finding out how many times they have just missed each other over the years is interesting. And watching Luhan lose his mind is one of the most entertaining things Minseok’s ever seen.

“I was actually born at UWM. My mom works there, and she went into labor in a stairwell. By the time people realized ‘oh hey, the very pregnant lady due to give birth any day now has gone missing’ I was already well on my way out.” Luhan turns away from the couch to stare at him in horror. Minseok shrugs, “I got free tuition for being born at the school and my mom got a good story out of it, so it’s really not that bad. And it would’ve been kinda weird if you’d found me just as I was born, right?”

Luhan shrugs and turns his face out of the couch to look Minseok in the eye again. He smiles softly and Minseok smiles back; contentment hums between them. “I guess, but I think anything would’ve been better than what actually happened, you know?”

“Yeah. Would’ve been weird to suddenly meet you on my junior field trip to the science museum though. You probably would’ve acted really strangely.”

Frustration thrums in Minseok’s chest and he laughs. He laughs long and loud and Luhan throws his hands up in the air. The pizza he’d been holding flies up too. It comes down and lands right on his face and Minseok bursts in uncontrollable giggles.

“At least one of us is enjoying my pain.” Minseok nods. The joking thing is nice. It’s rare, but he likes it when Luhan jokes around with him, plays up his flair for the dramatic just to make Minseok laugh. “And I would’ve been very nice if I’d met you on your field trip. I probably would’ve seen you as a best friend more than anything. The bond is there before the bite, just very weak as it’s only Fate holding the two together, but it is very strange about deciding when romantic feelings are allowed.”

Luhan pulls the pizza off his face and takes another bite. Minseok throws him a napkin and giggles when the balled-up paper bounces off of the demon’s nose. Luhan’s smile turns almost unbearably warm. Minseok blinks at the sudden warmth filling his chest; he sucks in a breath through his nose and pretends he doesn’t know what the warmth is.

He pretends that all the warmth is coming from Luhan.

* * *

Minseok is careful to keep them on opposite sides of the couch. He presses himself into his corner of the couch when he sits down, watches Luhan do the same with his side. He knows it's a little ridiculous at this point. It feels better like this though. He likes the space and Luhan never complains.

Luhan never complains about anything. Minseok isn't sure if he likes that anymore.

He tries to push buttons now, tries to get some sort of reaction out of Luhan, but it never works. He'll _feel_ Luhan's anger for a heartbeat and then the bond will close down until the demon is calm and his smile isn't so tight. He never shows Minseok his anger. It leaves Minseok feeling left out. And he _knows_ that's ridiculous because he's the one who shut Luhan out in the first place, but he still feels like he's facing a wall.

"I'm not mad at you anymore," Minseok says one night after he has tried and failed and tried and failed to get Luhan mad. Luhan's eyebrows pull together the way they always do when he's mad but resolutely not letting himself be mad. "You can be honest with me when I hurt your feelings. If I do something wrong, you can get mad at me. I'm not going to make you leave. I want you here, I won't make you leave."

The air changes and Minseok thinks that maybe his tongue let slip more than he meant to.

Luhan smiles and the bond reopens to gentle contentment. Minseok's chest feels like it's filling with air and he sighs. The anger has passed into a bubble of joy. Minseok knows he can’t take his words back without risking the shaky relationship they've established. And he wouldn't risk that, not when he's started looking forward to the sunset and the knock on his door.

"I'm never angry at you, not really. The irritation passes and I just let it come and go as it wills. It's never important enough to stop and think about it." _Not important like you are._

Minseok laughs. It helps cover up the sudden tightness in his chest. It's his own, nothing from Luhan, and he doesn't understand it. He hears the underlying message in Luhan's words, that he's the most important thing in the demon's life. He hears how much he's loved, how far Luhan is willing to go just to have a place, even an insignificant place, in Minseok's life.

It isn't until long after Luhan's gone home that Minseok figures out what the feeling is. He stares up at his bedroom ceiling and imagines Luhan's words again. His chest goes tight again. He blinks in the darkness as he tries to piece all his feelings together and gasps when it finally clicks into place.

He's _happy_.

* * *

The day Minseok bullies Luhan into sending him the video of Yifan talking about Junmyeon, Luhan doesn't come over. Minseok checks the clock and reads through the numerous texts Luhan had sent him after the _I'm sorry, I had to_ in turn. Each text got worse and worse, angrier and angrier until they just stopped.

Minseok tells himself that the sudden stop was Luhan calming down, that he'll still come over like always and Minseok will apologize and they'll work it out.

It isn't until the clock strikes midnight and Luhan still isn't there that he wonders if this is how Luhan felt all those weeks ago. Minseok hugs his knees to his chest and watch as the digital clock on his phone changes to twelve-oh-one and tries hard not to cry.

It's one in the morning when the tears finally stop. He hasn't texted Luhan, not yet, but he watches the chat religiously like the typing bubble will appear and Luhan will tell him he's not mad anymore.

It never comes.

At two in the morning, Minseok realizes he's not doing anything but wearing himself out. He has multiple drafts of apologies pulled up on his laptop. Each one is worse than the last, but the guilt is eating him from the inside out and he _needs_ to fix this. He needs to fix it _now._ He knows Luhan is probably asleep at two in the morning, but he still needs to send his apology so Luhan knows he's sorry.

He _is_ sorry. What he did was wrong. Minseok fought dirty and said things he regretted even as he was typing them. He tells himself that it was worth it because he could see that Junmyeon was hurting. He might be miserable now, but he's willing to bet Junmyeon isn't and that has to make everything worth it.

Two-forty-five and Minseok starts to cry again.

He has his photo gallery open on his phone, a video he shot of Luhan playing on the screen. He'd been trying out different jokes on the demon, seeing if he could make him laugh. Minseok had mostly wanted to see if he could get Luhan to shoot water out of his nose. He made him shoot ramen out instead – the video is one of Minseok's favorite things. He has a screenshot of Luhan's face the second after as Luhan's contact photo.

Three-thirty in the morning and he gets into the car and starts the long drive to the city. It takes even longer to get there because he has to drive slowly to counterbalance how exhausted he is.

Minseok pulls over on the side of the road. He spends ten minutes crying against his steering wheel as he realizes he hasn't been able to feel anything from Luhan since that evening. Not a single emotion. He wonders if Luhan has been feeling him at all, or if he'd just shut the bond completely.

It is roughly four-fifteen when the elevator doors open to Luhan's apartment. Minseok has had a key card since the first night. He'd buried it under a bunch of junk in a rarely opened drawer; it had taken him nearly twenty minutes find it. It took him another five standing in the elevator to remember how to use it.

The elevator dings and the doors slide open to a dark apartment.

Minseok feels himself crumble. He'd forgotten that normal people aren't awake at four in the morning. He steps out of the elevator and listens as the doors close. He looks around the dark apartment and wonders if maybe the ground will open up and swallow him whole. He feels so small, so worthless; it's been so long since he's felt like this. And it's his own fault now, not a single piece of blame to put on anyone but himself.

Luhan's bedroom door opens and Minseok winces. The elevator must've woken him up. He's already opening his mouth to apologize.

"Minseok," Luhan grumbles as he stumbles into the living room and rubs at his eyes, "What are you doing here?"

"I..." Minseok trails off and stares at the floor. Luhan comes closer and closer. "I'm sorry." He'd promised himself that he wasn't going to cry on the drive over. He'd _promised_ himself he would keep it together while he apologized. It's so hard though. His voice is already cracking and he can't stop his eyes from watering.

Luhan stops and they're so close their toes are almost touching. Minseok realizes he forgot to put shoes on before he left home. "I know," Luhan says, "I know. I've been feeling how sorry you are for the past few hours. Come here – where are your shoes? God, did you drive here? Come here, you need to sit down." Minseok lets himself be herded past the living room and into the bedroom, lets himself be eased down to sit on the edge of the bed.

"I'm sorry," he croaks. Luhan just tells him to shush and grabs a wet washcloth from the bathroom to wipe at his face. "I shouldn't have done that. Why are you taking care of me? I hurt you."

Luhan doesn't answer him until he's finished cleaning his face off and making sure Minseok hasn't stepped in glass or anything on the walk through the parking lots of either of their buildings. And then he wraps a blanket around Minseok's shoulders and makes him drink a glass of water.

"You've been beating yourself up for _hours_." Luhan settles on the other end of the bed and watches him. It reminds Minseok of the couch. He hates it. Luhan is so far away and he feels like he can't apologize with Luhan so far away. "I'm not over it, but you're going to make yourself sick if you don't rest. You're my first priority, Minnie, everything else comes second. Even my own feelings."

Minseok doesn't know what to say to that. He doesn't deserve any sort of forgiveness, not this fast, and his feelings are too big for his own body. He doesn't know what to say because he can't understand everything running around in his head.

He feels so selfish but, "Can I have a hug?"

"Of course, you don't even need to ask."

Minseok lets out a shuddering sigh as careful arms wind around him and hold him tight. Luhan rests his head on Minseok's and makes soft, little shushing sounds. Minseok leans in and hiccups, feeling the hours of emotions finally catching up to him.

"Apologize in the morning, okay? You accepted my apology weeks late, I can accept yours in the morning."

Minseok's eyes fight him when he tries to force them open. Luhan rubs his back in slow, careful strokes, warmth seeping in through his clothes. "'kay. Can I sleep here? Don't think I can drive back right now."

"Nothing would make me happier than if you stayed the night. I'll take the couch this time." Minseok knows he should protest. He's here to apologize; he should be the one on the couch. But he can feel himself slipping away, consciousness long gone. "Go to sleep, I love you."

* * *

The sides of the couch don't matter as much anymore.

A few days before Christmas, Minseok comes home and his feet hurt so bad he can't make himself get off the couch to let Luhan in. He yells that the door is open instead and shrugs when Luhan asks why he's on the couch with bags of frozen vegetables on his feet. "Hard day at work. Too many parents from the city wanting to get affordable vet care for pets they want to give to their kids for Christmas. Which is stupid because those pets almost always end up being returned when the kids decide they're tired of taking care of a living thing."

Luhan hums and nods as unpacks dinner. They're back to normal now, as normal as they can be. Minseok tries to slip in apologies from time to time and Luhan always tells him that it's over, that the apology he gave the afternoon after he showed up at Luhan's apartment at four in the morning was sufficient.

They put on _Chopped_ because Luhan is exhausted from an issue at work and doesn't feel like talking. Minseok wants to talk to him; Luhan left early every night the past week because of whatever is happening at work and Minseok feels like he hasn't gotten to see him much at all, but he just turns on the TV and lets the show play.

Not everything is about Minseok, and that's okay.

And Minseok ends up sprawled across the couch with his feet in Luhan's lap anyway. They yell at the TV together and Luhan does some strange magic on the soles of Minseok's feet, fingers pressing into just the right spots.

"Better?" Minseok nods and squirms when Luhan hits a particularly sore spot. Luhan giggles.

Snow falls down outside the window, sidewalks freezing and frost forming on the window pane. But Minseok feels warm, warm inside the apartment and warm inside his chest. He can feel Luhan's warmth too, blooming and growing with every second. But there's a lot of warmth there that's his own. Minseok feels so warm inside that he isn't sure if he can contain it all.

Minseok looks over at Luhan during a commercial and smiles. He thinks of the key sitting on his nightstand, wrapped and tied with a bow, and smiles wider.


	4. Adoration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luhan’s apartment looks different in the daylight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here we are! We have reached the end of this fic! I want to thank you all for all your love and support! I am so so thankful <3 I really hope you enjoy this last chapter. I promised a happy ending and I hope I delivered! <3
> 
> As always, a big thank you to [Aarushi!](https://twitter.com/AarushiC_18) you are an excellent beta and one my best friends and I want to thank you for all the work you do! <3

Luhan’s apartment looks different in the daylight. Minseok pauses when the elevator doors open because he isn’t sure if the keycard fucked up and took him to the wrong floor. He steps into the penthouse anyway; the elevator doors will close on him and send him back down to the lobby if he doesn’t. There’s a rack not far away from the elevator for shoes. Luhan’s favorite sneakers are there and Minseok leaves his shoes next to them, socked feet silent on hardwood as he pads further into the apartment.

Light from the sunset streams in from the windows. Minseok stops in the middle of the living room and looks around. The apartment is too quiet, only the hum of the refrigerator to keep him company. He didn’t expect anything else, but it’s still unnerving. Luhan’s still on his work trip, no real idea of when he’d come back besides ‘soon’.

That was a week ago and Minseok doesn’t know what to do with all the extra time he has in the evenings now. Somewhere along the way of getting into his car after work he decided that coming here would be the best idea. And now he’s in Luhan’s empty apartment with nothing to do.

He turns the keycard over and over in his hands. Luhan said to come over whenever – _whenever you want, Minseok._ That doesn’t mean he feels any less like he’s invading Luhan’s space. It’ll probably be something they talk about when Luhan gets back from his trip. He knows what Luhan will say, something about how Luhan’s space is Minseok’s space too – that doesn’t really work when it only goes one way though, and Minseok gave Luhan a key to let himself into the apartment for dinner, not whenever he wants.

Minseok takes in the layout of the apartment for the first time. There’s half a memory of what it looked like the night he and Luhan met, but it’s buried so far down underneath everything else that happened. Minseok remembers thinking that it was gorgeous back then. It still is, but it’s not so monochrome anymore. Minseok smiles at the bright blue blanket thrown across the back of the couch; it looks like the one back home that Luhan likes to hog when he comes over.

Minseok grabs it and throws it around his own shoulders before shuffling over to the bookshelf. Some of the books here are his. So are most of the movies.

He remembers watching Luhan put them there and _hating_ him. Now, he grabs a book he’s pretty sure is Luhan’s off the shelf and turns another one around because he knows Luhan will whine about the disorder when he gets back.

His pajamas from when he showed up at four in the morning are still in the closet. Minseok tosses the blanket and the book he’d grabbed on the bed and pulls his pajamas out. The sense that he’s in someone else’s space hasn’t left, but he knows Luhan well enough now to know that the demon will blame himself for making Minseok feel unwelcome if he doesn’t make himself comfortable. The pajamas are his anyway. Those and the clothes from the night they met need to go back to his apartment and stop taking up Luhan’s closet space.

The bathroom is flooded with light from the windows above the bathtub. Minseok stares at it for a few long minutes, blinking through the memories of sitting in water for as long as he possibly could to put off having to see Luhan again. He wonders how he had gone from that to where he is now, standing in the apartment of his own free will because he’s been missing Luhan.

Then he decides he doesn’t really want to know. A step-by-step replay wouldn’t matter much either. Minseok is happy now. That’s what matters. The journey from waking up in Luhan’s bed to this moment is long and winding and he’s learned a lot along the way, but he’s happy now.

Minseok smiles. That’s something he’ll need to talk to Luhan about too.

On the counter, in holder next to Luhan’s electric toothbrush, is the extra toothbrush that was dug out of a cabinet for Minseok the last time he was here. He didn’t think Luhan would keep it. It was just a toothbrush, probably one of the free ones from the dentist that no one ever remembers unless they have an unexpected guest. It’s nothing important and Luhan didn’t even _have_ a holder for it when they found it. But he has one now. Minseok bites the inside of his cheek and pushes the two toothbrushes until they’re sitting side by side.

Minseok changes into his pajamas and does his best to not keep looking over at the toothbrushes. They’re just toothbrushes, but Minseok smiles a little whenever he looks at them. He doesn’t think his will get much use, but it’s nice to know that there’s a toothbrush ready for him if he ever stays the night again.

He pauses in the middle of pulling his pajama pants up when he catches sight of his reflection in the mirror. Discomfort bubbles up under his skin as he reaches to touch the ring of scar tissue on his neck. It’s a part of him, with him every single second of the day, but it’s been a long, long time since he’s looked at it. It was still pink then, the skin around it still irritated.

If anyone ever asked he would lie about it, but he thinks the mark is almost pretty.

There’s no love towards it. He doesn’t think about it like Baekhyun does; it’s not a symbol of Luhan’s undying devotion. It’s a scar on Minseok’s skin, something he’ll never be able to get rid of, and he thinks it looks kind of pretty in the light like this.

Luhan had shut his end of the bond down because he gets so annoyed on work trips and he didn’t want to let that bleed over and mess with Minseok’s day. Minseok had shut his end down too, just to make sure that nothing in his life interrupted the work trip. He’s glad now. He doesn’t want to share the strange emotion in his chest just yet.

Minseok finishes getting dressed and folds his other clothes in a neat little stack. He pads back out of the bathroom and puts the stack at the foot of the bed, trading them for the blanket and book.

He hesitates at the foot of the bed. He can curl up under the covers with the book if he wants, he knows that. He can turn on the television and rewatch a season of one of the shows he and Luhan started bingeing last week. Luhan wouldn’t care. He’d probably be happy to know that Minseok feels comfortable enough to settle in the apartment like he does at his own place. But it’s not _Minseok’s_ apartment. No matter what Luhan says, it’s still not Minseok’s apartment, not Minseok’s bed or TV. The book and blanket are different in the fact that Luhan has enough of Minseok’s books and the blanket is just like the one back home; they’re enough of Minseok’s to make it okay.

It’s not like Minseok hasn’t slept here before. But still, it’s not _his_ bed.

He shuffles in place, pulling the blue blanket tighter around his shoulders and humming nervously. He doesn’t have to sleep here, he could always go to the couch. But holy shit that couch is not comfortable to sleep on. Minseok’s done it before and would prefer to never, ever do it again.

And so Minseok ends up on the very edge of the bed. It’s the side Luhan never uses, the side Minseok woke up that first morning and the last time he was here. Luhan has made it glaringly obvious that it’s Minseok’s side of the bed. There’s a charger for Minseok’s phone, empty drawers in the nightstand. Minseok doesn’t think of it has _his_ side. It’s just the side of the bed Luhan doesn’t use.

It’s already six-thirty by the time Minseok has stopped feeling so strange about sliding under the covers and making himself comfortable in Luhan’s bed. He doesn’t turn the TV on or sprawl out, still taking up as little space as possible, but he doesn’t feel like a trespasser either. “It’s alright,” he says to empty air, “Luhan would’ve told me if he didn’t want me coming over.”

He almost texts Luhan just to check and make sure it’s okay. But Luhan is probably in meetings with people discussing important business things. So he doesn’t.

The sun’s gone down and the moon is on its way up; the lights of the city are beautiful, but they aren’t enough to read by. Minseok turns on the lamp on the nightstand and pushes himself to sit up against the headboard. He picks up the book in his lap and turns it over in his hands. He hadn’t really been looking when he’d grabbed it and it’s only now that he realizes it’s not a normal book.

There’s no cover or title. It’s just a plain brown book with an elastic band to keep it shut. Minseok picks at the band, playing with it as he tries to figure out what kind of book it is. It could be old. Luhan mentioned a lot of his books from way, way back have been rebound because the old covers were too worn.

Minseok pulls the band off and flips the book open. He’s expecting letters or characters from languages that have died out. He’s expecting an inscription an ancient Greek to Luhan from Sophocles or Herodotus or someone else terrifyingly important to history.

He gets Luhan’s messy handwriting in English instead.

_This is volume two of Things That Make Minseok Happy. Hopefully this one will have more substance and less angst than the first volume. Things must have been proven to make Minseok smile at least three times before they are officially recorded in the list. Things that are guaranteed to make him smile are: Foot rubs, pictures of kittens, and being told he’s right._

Minseok slams the book shut and nearly throws it across the room. He only just stops himself by remembering that it’s not his book to throw. “Oh my god,” he whispers. He rubs his thumb over the soft brown cover and bites his lip. “Oh my god.”

He didn’t read much, just a paragraph. It was enough to know that the whole thing is dedicated to Minseok, and that there’s a whole other one somewhere in the apartment. It was enough to know that it’s probably something he didn’t want anyone else to find.

His stomach flips over and over until he finally puts the book down and scrubs his hands over his face. He feels so guilty, digging into Luhan’s personal stuff like this. He didn’t _know_ it was a journal – who even keeps a private journal on a bookshelf? Someone who lives alone and never has anyone around to mess with their stuff, which is exactly who Luhan is. Minseok groans, swears, wiggles down under the covers and shoves his head under a pillow. He can just put it back, pretend he never saw it. If he grabs another book off the shelf and puts this one back, Luhan will never suspect a thing.

But the idea of lying makes him feel even worse.

He flails one arm out and flounders around for the book. When he grabs it, he comes out from under the pillow and huffs out a sigh through his nose. He thumbs at the pages but doesn't read it. The journal goes on the nightstand to be put away later. Minseok turns off the lamp and stares at the journal in the dark. Luhan's bed is comfortable, the blankets are thick and warm and Minseok finds himself fighting to keep his eyes open even as he's trying to figure out how he's going to apologize for the journal.

His phone dings and lights up the room. He reaches for it, but he's too tired to make his arms work and he ends up smacking it off the nightstand. He groans. He knows he should go get it, but under the blankets is warm. "I'll get it the morning."

The phone must have fallen with the screen up, because blue light shoots up and burns Minseok's eyes when it buzzes again. He buries his head under the blankets and squeezes his eyes shut. Minseok's asleep before he realizes it's happening.

* * *

 

Minseok wakes to the bedroom door opening. Someone shuffles in, banging something against the doorway and swearing to themselves. Light spills in from the living room. Minseok probably pulled the blankets off his head sometime during the night; he groans and rolls over to block the light out.

"Minseok?" He grunts in response. He rolls back over and cracks an eye open. Luhan is standing the doorway; he can only tell it's him by the sound of his voice. He's cast in shadow, so dark Minseok can't see his face, but the bond opens up and Luhan's happiness is so strong it makes Minseok smile too.

"You're back."

Luhan flicks a finger and the lights in the living room go out. "Yeah," he says as he gently shuts the door behind him, "I texted you before I got on the plane. Must've been asleep by then." Minseok nods. "Didn't mean to wake you up."

"'s okay," Minseok murmurs and tries to rub the sleep out of his eyes. The alarm clock on the other nightstand says its early, way, way too early for anyone to be awake. "'s it okay I'm here?"

Minseok watches as the suitcase opens and the clothes unpack themselves, the blankets that had slipped down rise up and tuck themselves around his shoulders again. Luhan laughs and sits on the other side of the bed. "Of course it's okay. I told you to come over whenever you want. And I got to come home to you."

Minseok grumbles and covers his face with his arms to hide his blush. Luhan laughs again.

They settle into comfortable silence as Luhan gets up and stretches until his back pops so loudly Minseok can hear it. “Go back to sleep,” he says. “I’ll try to get ready as quietly as I can. And I’ll take the couch.”

“No.” Minseok looks back up and rubs at his eyes, huffing and groaning as he tries to muster the will to push himself to sit up. It doesn’t work. He just flops back down to the mattress and burrows further under the covers. Luhan looks over with an eyebrow raised, pajamas frozen in mid-air. He tilts his head to the side and Minseok waves an arm to call him over. “Just sleep in here. It’s your bed, Han, if anyone’s getting kicked out to the couch, it’s me. The couch isn’t good for sleeping. Besides, the bed’s too big for just one person.”

He expects Luhan to protest. Luhan, for all he pushed and pushed and pushed when they first met, always double-checks that Minseok means what he says and says what he means. Minseok isn’t sure if that’s Luhan’s actual personality or if it’s a conscious decision every time he hesitates when Minseok gives him a hug.

He doesn’t really care either way. The fact is that Luhan will pause and make sure he’s not overstepping his bounds; that’s enough.

“I’m sure,” Minseok smiles and waves Luhan over again.

“Alright… And I saw you found my journal.”

Minseok squeaks and his eyes go wide. He’s got apologies pouring out of his mouth, each one getting twisted in the next and turning into a giant mess that makes no goddamn sense at all. Luhan just lets out a little laugh and smiles, waving the apologies away. It doesn’t stop Minseok from trying to get across how sorry he is through. He wants Luhan to know that he stopped as soon as he realized that the journal was a journal, that he _never_ would’ve grabbed it if he’d known.

Luhan shakes his head again. “I’m not mad. Please don’t apologize, Minseok, I’m not mad. Read it whenever you want. I can find the first one if you’d like to look at that too.” Minseok stares in shock. He wonders if Luhan’s so exhausted from the red-eye flight that his brain has stopped working. The circles under his eyes are dark enough – he could be going through sleep deprivation and not know what he’s saying.

Luhan just makes his pajamas float all the way to him and makes his way across the room to go get changed in the bathroom. He pauses before he closes the door. His eyes are tired but so, so fond – Minseok’s heart thuds painfully in his chest.

“I have nothing to hide from you, Minseok. Everything I own is yours as much as it’s mine.”

Minseok is plunged back into darkness when the bathroom door closes. He stares in the dark and tries to calm down the warmth blooming in his chest. It’s a strange mixture of his own feelings and the echoes he’s getting from Luhan. It’s soft, comfortable, soothing; it makes his eyelids pull down again even as he tries to fight the pull of sleep. He wants to stay awake and talk to Luhan a little more, but he falls asleep just as the bathroom door opens.

He wakes again to sunlight streaming in through the windows and shining right in his eyes. Minseok rolls over with a huff and cracks his eyes open. The first thing he sees is Luhan’s face, close enough to touch. Luhan’s still asleep and Minseok smiles.

The demon looks a little stupid when he’s asleep, eyes shut and mouth hanging open. Luhan’s a mouth-breather when he sleeps. Minseok never would’ve expected that.

He never would’ve expected to be sleeping in the same bed as Luhan either, not of his own free will at least. It’s funny how things change – people, feelings, beliefs.

Minseok pushes himself up on his forearms just enough to see over Luhan’s body. The clock reads ten thirty-two and Minseok sighs. He’s supposed to go over to Junmyeon’s for lunch today, see Baekhyun for the first time in months and maybe, _hopefully_ , work things out between them.

He should leave, he knows that. He still needs to shower and change into clothes he can wear in public. But he flops back down to the mattress and watches Luhan sleep for a few minutes instead. It won’t be for long, just for a few minutes. He’s just not ready to get up yet. Luhan snuffles in his sleep and turns onto his back. Minseok smiles and makes sure the blankets are pulled up high.

Eventually, Minseok forces himself out of bed. He nearly steps on his phone and ends up falling off the bed as he tries to avoid it. It’s a controlled fall, because he’d twisted just as he was putting his foot down to get off the bed and there was no way in hell he was going to be able to stop the momentum, but he falls. He hits the floor with a thud and immediately pops back up to make sure he didn’t startle Luhan awake, swearing silently at the new ache in his back from how he landed.

The demon grumbles but doesn’t wake up. Minseok sighs in relief.

He gathers his things, phone, clothes from the night before – the clothes from the night they met stay in Luhan’s closet. Luhan hasn’t said anything about them yet. And Minseok sort of likes having an excuse in case he wants to come back to the apartment. Not that he _needs_ an excuse.

All his things get left in a pile on the kitchen table. Quietly, he slinks back into the bedroom and grabs the journal off the nightstand, putting back on the bookshelf and rearranging everything back to its rightful place.

Minseok wonders if maybe there’s any space left on the bookshelf for a few more movies. There are a few horror movies he can’t watch unless he has someone there to suffer with him; he’s pretty sure Luhan will sit through literally anything he asks if he asks very, very nicely. They could just watch them at Minseok’s apartment when Luhan comes over for dinner, but Luhan’s TV is way, way better. And it’s another excuse to come back to the apartment.

A quick glance back over the apartment to make sure he hasn’t left any messes in his path and a press of the button to call the elevator and Minseok’s ready to leave.

He hesitates. The elevator dings and the doors slide open. He hesitates. He rocks back and forth on his heels and stares at the inside of the elevator, all his things bundled in his arms. Just a few steps and then he’s on his way down to the lobby. But he hesitates until the elevator doors close. He sets his things back down on the kitchen table and slips his shoes off again.

Luhan is still asleep in the bedroom. He’s frowning now, not as peaceful as he was when Minseok first woke up. The clock says it’s been a little over half an hour since Minseok woke up. He should really leave if he wants to make it to lunch on time.

Nervousness wells up in his chest and he shuts his end of the bond down so he doesn’t wake Luhan up. It’s a good kind of nervousness, like sitting at the top of a rollercoaster – when it tips over and sends him flying he knows it’ll be great, but he’s still nervous. There’s a few other things rumbling around too, denial making itself very apparent. But the denial has been getting weaker and weaker. It makes itself obvious and then gets swept underneath every other emotion. Denial never really stood a chance against the other things Minseok’s been feeling.

His heart pounds rabbit-quick in his chest as he crosses the floor and stops at the edge of the bed. “See you later, Han.” Minseok leans down and the rollercoaster starts down the hill.

It’s only a split-second of Minseok’s lips against Luhan’s cheek, but it’s enough to send Luhan’s end of the bond into hysterics. It’s not any real emotion, can’t be because Luhan’s still asleep, but the part of the demon that _knows_ Minseok goes wild at the affection.

Minseok hurries back to the elevator with a smile on his face. The rollercoaster slows to a stop as the elevator doors close and Minseok thinks that maybe he’d like to go again.

* * *

 

Then Junmyeon nearly dies. He does, for a split-second. Yixing admits, halfway to unconsciousness from the strain of pulling two people back from the brink of death in one day, that there was a moment just as Yixing started to heal him that his heart stopped. Yixing had to heal a new crack in Junmyeon’s sternum from where Yifan panicked and hit him in the chest to restart his heart.

Minseok heard it all through the phone. Luhan had been on the phone with him the entire drive to where they’d tracked Junmyeon’s phone, telling him to keep Zitao calm and to hang up if it became too much. Minseok begged him to keep the phone on him the whole time; Baekhyun had Zitao and was doing everything that could be done to keep him calm. Minseok needed to know if Junmyeon was okay. So, he heard Luhan and Yixing gasp at water flooding out of the building’s front door, heard their footsteps thunder down stairs, heard voices overlapping –

“ _Help!”_

 _“Oh holy shit. I’m never supposed to be able to_ see _the intestines, right?”_

_“Help him!”_

Luhan hung up just after Yixing yells that Junmyeon’s heart stopped, said Minseok didn’t need to hear this. Minseok screamed and threw his phone at the wall.

And then Zitao had asked if his parents were okay. When Minseok hesitated, not sure if he was supposed to lie, if he _could_ lie, the little boy burst into tears. He crawled into Minseok’s arms and wailed. He just kept asking for Junmyeon and Minseok cried because he wasn’t sure if Junmyeon was ever coming back.

Minseok remembers Baekhyun herding them both into Yifan and Junmyeon’s bedroom and tucking them both in under the covers, sitting near them and offering them as much comfort as he could.

Zitao fell asleep first, face buried in Junmyeon’s pillow and asking quietly for his parents. Minseok doesn’t remember falling asleep, just Baekhyun’s fingers in his hair and Zitao gripping tightly to his shirt. But he must have, because he wakes up to Yifan setting Junmyeon down between them.

“He’s okay,” Yifan whispers, tear tracks cutting through the blood on his face. He looks so, so tired. He presses a kiss to Junmyeon’s forehead and starts to shake with new sobs. Luhan pulls him away, whispering that he needs to get a shower so he doesn’t scare Zitao. “I know, I-I will. Watch him, Minseok, _please_ watch him.” The demon pets over Zitao’s hair and kiss his cheek.

Minseok nods. He rests a hand over Junmyeon’s chest and hiccups at the way it rises and falls, the heartbeat thumping steadily under his palm. “I got him. Go take care of yourself.”

He watches Yifan stumble over to the bathroom with Luhan at his side to keep him steady. Baekhyun and Yixing leave quietly, so quietly that Minseok doesn’t notice they’re missing until the front door opens and shuts again. It’s for the best. Yixing’s exhausted and Baekhyun’s been shaking since he got to Junmyeon’s house.

Minseok looks back to Junmyeon and heaves out a shuddering sigh. Junmyeon is peaceful, face slack with sleep. If he ignores the dried blood on Junmyeon’s shirt and the tear tracks on Zitao’s face, he can pretend everything is perfectly fine.

He spends a long, long time petting Junmyeon’s cheek and reaching over to rub Zitao’s back and keep him sleeping. He doesn’t know how long, but he’s still staring at the rise and fall of Junmyeon’s chest when the bathroom door opens. Zitao blinks awake at the light and the noise – he’s crying as soon as his eyes open.

“Tao,” Yifan croaks and stumbles across the room. He falls onto the bed at Zitao’s side and tugs him close. Minseok watches and gives a half smile as Zitao clings to Yifan and slowly, slowly stops crying. “It’s okay, TaoTao. Hush, baby, you’re okay. Baba’s right here. I know you must’ve been so scared, but Baba’s right here and Mama’s okay. He’s right next to you, see? He’ll be all better very soon.”

Minseok doesn’t know how Yifan’s so coherent after all this. The power of being a parent, maybe.

“I wanna sleep w-with you and Mama.” Yifan nods, says _of course_ Zitao can sleep with them. “Hold me, don’t put me down.”

“I won’t, I won’t. Here, you can lay down between me and Mama, okay? Right next to him; I bet he’d love to wake up and see you right there. Hush, _hush_ , Taozi, I’ve got you.”

Yifan slips under the covers and Minseok shifts over so Junmyeon isn’t squished. Yifan doesn’t even acknowledge that he’s there, too caught up in soothing Zitao and pulling Junmyeon close. Minseok turns over when he feels a hand on his shoulder. Luhan is kneeling on the floor next to the bed. He has a small half-smile on his face and Minseok tries to return it. Luhan just reaches out and squeezes Minseok’s hand.

Minseok should probably go now, he knows that. The way Yifan is curled around Zitao and Junmyeon is intensely private. Minseok can hear him murmuring about how much he loves them, how he’s sorry he didn’t do enough to keep them safe. It’s not something meant for Minseok’s ears. This moment is for them to be alone and try to calm down and heal. Minseok’s only still here because Yifan is either too kind or too preoccupied to tell him to leave – probably both. Either way, he should be leaving now.

So he doesn’t fight when Luhan gently coaxes him off the bed, so gently it’s almost like Luhan’s handling a little porcelain doll. “Come on,” the demon whispers, “lean on me. I got you. Let’s get you home, alright? Yifan will let us know when Junmyeon wakes up.”

Minseok nods and follows Luhan out into the hallway. The house is all put back together. The dark circles under Luhan’s eyes catch Minseok eye now that they’re out in the light. Minseok opens his mouth to say something and stops himself. Later, he’ll bring it up later. For now, he lets Luhan lead him to the car and usher him into the passenger seat.

Neither of them talk until they hit the main road of town.

“Can I walk you to your front door?” Minseok blinks and realizes Luhan’s getting close to his apartment building. The familiar streets should be comforting – routines are supposed to help with distress and trauma. But they’re not. They’re not what he wants right now, not what he needs.

Minseok shakes his head and Luhan visibly deflates. “Can I sleep at your place tonight, Lu?”

The hunters won’t be able to take him if Minseok is there to keep watch. He doesn’t love Luhan, but he cares for him more than he ever thought he would. And Luhan is _his_. No one is allowed to take him.

Relief pours through the bond as Luhan responds, “I’d love for you to stay the night.” There’s a pause, Luhan chewing on his bottom lip in thought. Minseok waits, but Luhan just sighs and shakes his head, focusing on the road.

Eventually, Luhan sets a hand down on the center console; Minseok takes it in his own, lacing their fingers together without looking and staring out the windshield in silence.

The ride to Luhan’s apartment, the ride up the elevator, the slow process of getting ready for bed, it’s all done in silence. Comfortable silence though, it’s all comfortable. There’s nothing awkward in the way they shuffle around each other right now. Luhan pulls some clothes out of his closet for Minseok to wear, Minseok has Luhan’s toothbrush ready and waiting by the time he gets into the bathroom. They’re exhausted, physically, mentally, and emotionally, but Minseok thinks that this is the most in sync they’ve ever been.

Minseok gets in bed before Luhan. He plugs in his phone and leaves it on his nightstand – the side of the bed he sleeps on when he spends the night is still just the side of the bed he sleeps on, but he can admit that the nightstand is his.

He watches Luhan get ready for bed, following his every movement as he flits around the room. It’s stupid, but he thinks that the hunters won’t be able to get Luhan as long as he’s watching him.

Luhan pauses where he’s turning off the bedroom light and looks over at the bed with a frown. Minseok furrows his brow in return. The demon hums and shakes his head, turning off the light and climbing into his side of the bed. The silence is still comfortable and Minseok focuses on the sound of Luhan breathing right next to him. They stare at each other in the darkness. An emotion Minseok doesn’t understand echoes from Luhan’s side of the bond.

Then Luhan reaches out. His hand stops in the middle of the bed, fingers twitching expectantly. Minseok doesn’t hesitate, doesn’t even think before meeting Luhan in the middle. Their hands just slot together, no weaving of fingers, just holding hands. Luhan smiles and Minseok can feel it in the dark.

“The hunters won’t come after me, you know. I don’t register as a threat to them, not like Yifan and Yixing. My powers aren’t as dangerous compared to what they can do, don’t draw as much attention. I just – I can feel your fear and I wanted to let you know that I’m okay. Nothing’s gonna happen to me. I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.” Luhan squeezes Minseok’s hand and Minseok’s heart responds with a strange sort of lurch.

“Promise?”

Kisses are rare. They hold hands a lot, hug from time to time, but Minseok can count the times they’ve kissed on one hand – never on the lips, sometimes on the cheek, the forehead, and now Luhan brings Minseok’s hand to his lips and kisses his knuckles. “I promise. I’m here for as long as you’ll have me.”

Minseok smiles. He holds Luhan’s hand tight in his own. The wave of relief is strange, but he doesn’t mind.

Luhan isn’t going anywhere.

Luhan falls asleep first. Minseok can feel it when he finally gives in, hand going slack and the bond quieting down to a soft hum. Minseok’s tired, but not tired enough for his body to give in and force him to sleep like he wishes it would.

He’s still scared of the hunters. He waits for the elevator to ding and for people to rush in and drag Luhan away. Minseok shivers and clutches Luhan’s hand tighter. Luhan shivers too but squeezes Minseok’s hand on reflex. Minseok shifts closer to the middle of the bed.

Then he shifts closer, and closer, until he’s on Luhan’s side of the bed. They aren’t touching except for where their hands are joined, and that’s fine with Minseok. He doesn’t want to spoon or cuddle or anything like that, he just wants to make sure that no one will be able to take Luhan away without him knowing. So he holds Luhan’s hand with two hands and drops his head on the edge of Luhan’s pillow shamelessly.

An arm gets thrown over his waist. They still aren’t pressed together, but Minseok can feel how Luhan fists the material of his sleepshirt, warmth radiating through the fabric.

He falls asleep, and despite everything that’s happened and his own lingering fears, his dreams are nothing but peaceful.

* * *

 

Minseok isn’t sure when he started spending so much time at Luhan’s apartment. He remembers staying there for a few days after Junmyeon nearly died, and then showing up once in a while during the week, staying the weekend, bringing over work clothes because he would spend half the week there.

He blinks up at the ceiling and thinks that maybe he does know when he started spending so much time at Luhan’s apartment, he just didn’t know it was happening.

Luhan shifts in his sleep and the arm around Minseok’s waist tightens and pulls him close. The demon shifts and squirms until he can rest his head on Minseok’s chest with a happy sigh. Minseok moves on autopilot and cards his fingers through Luhan’s hair, like he does every morning. They do this _every_ morning. Minseok doesn’t understand how he never noticed this happening. He can’t remember the last time he spent more than a few hours in his own apartment.

Early autumn sunlight streams into the bedroom, muted by curtains Minseok had asked for because he didn’t like waking up to the sun in his eyes. The curtains are a pale blue. Minseok remembers telling Luhan it would be a good pop of color but not clash with everything else. He remembers going to a fucking home goods store and arguing about which shade of pale blue would be best.

He _really_ doesn’t understand how he never noticed this was happening.

He tamps down his end of the bond so his feelings don’t bleed over and ruin whatever happy dream Luhan’s having. Luhan starts to shift around anyway. “Go back to sleep,” Minseok pets his hair, fingers occasionally trailing down to rub at the back of his neck the way he likes, “you don’t have work today, remember?” Luhan mumbles something that sounds like _yes_ and falls back asleep.

Minseok waits until Luhan’s breathing evens back out to a deep sleep before he tries to wiggle out from underneath him. Luhan whines and tugs him closer, tucking his face into Minseok’s neck and nosing at the year-old scar.

Minseok shivers. They never really talk about the scar or about that night anymore. Luhan only pays attention to it when he’s asleep, usually only in the middle of a bad dream when he needs whatever comfort the scar provides. Minseok prefers it that way. They can’t change what happened. That night is done, and they can’t change any of it. But they can leave the past in the past and move on. The scar means more to Luhan that it ever will to him, and if it can do some good by easing Luhan through nightmares, then Minseok doesn’t mind.

“I’m gonna go make something for breakfast,” Minseok whispers. Luhan grumbles but lets him go. Minseok shoves his pillow in his place and laughs quietly when the demon wraps around it, frowning because it must not be the same as holding Minseok himself.

Minseok walks as quietly as he can out of the bedroom, shutting the door with a soft click. The rest of the apartment is flooded with light. The Halloween decorations Zitao helped them put up are all sparkly because that’s what little kids love, and they reflect the sunlight so beautifully.

It’s good that he convinced Luhan to leave them up well into November. Luhan wanted to start putting up Christmas decorations on the first of November. Minseok loves Christmas, but he can’t handle it for that long. He dodges a spiderweb hanging from the ceiling and pads into the kitchen, grabbing his and Luhan’s mugs off the drying rack next to the sink.

He starts coffee for both of them, throwing the filter from yesterday into the can Baekhyun collects every week for his new compost pile. Junmyeon says he’s been considering starting one too now that he and Yifan have started trying to eat healthier. Luhan brought it up last week, but Minseok just asked where the hell they’d put a compost in the apartment.

Minseok groans and lets his head thunk against one of the cabinets. How had he not noticed? He fucking _moved in_ and didn’t even notice – talking about Luhan’s apartment like it’s theirs, arguing about where to put the Christmas tree they’re digging out of storage next weekend.

Minseok’s favorite cereal is on the bottom shelf of the cabinet Luhan designated for grains so he could always reach it. They reorganized the cabinets for bowls and plates to make room for the ones Minseok had brought from his own apartment. They share closet space, have a chart for who’s in charge of which chores every week.

“I _moved in_.”

He wonders if Luhan knows already, if he’ll be upset that Minseok moved in without asking. He didn’t _mean_ to. He hadn’t even planned on thinking about it for _years_.

But here he is, a year after meeting Luhan, sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in _his_ mug, eating _his_ cereal out of _his_ bowl. In _their_ apartment. Luhan has always called it their apartment. Minseok’s apartment was always _Minseok’s_ apartment, but Luhan’s was always _their_ apartment.

Luhan’s mug is ready next to the coffee pot, his favorite creamer sitting next to Minseok’s in the fridge. Minseok has everything out for Luhan’s regular breakfast too.

He never sleeps long after Minseok gets up. Ten minutes is usually all it takes before he’s up and stumbling around the apartment half-asleep. He doesn’t like sleeping without Minseok near now that he finally knows what it’s like to have him close. That’s what Luhan says, at least. Minseok thinks he understands a little. The apartment Minseok used to live in felt too empty without Luhan there.

The bedroom door creaks open. Minseok looks over and sees Luhan stretching with a yawn. When he settles back down, he meets Minseok’s eyes with a smile and a wave. “Morning.”

“Morning.”

Luhan shuffles to the kitchen and hums happily at the coffee and food already waiting. The bond kicks with soft happiness and Minseok lets himself sink into it, lets it fuzz out the nervousness making his fingers tingle. Luhan is always like this in the mornings, soft and happy and gentle. Minseok watches him move around the kitchen, slowed down by sleep.

And then he feels guilty for no reason at all. Luhan has made it outstandingly clear that he’s always welcome here but coming by from time to time is different than moving in.

He reopens his end of the bond as he sets his cereal bowl in the sink. Luhan pauses where he’d been scrambling eggs and levitating slices of bread to the toaster and turns to him with a frown. “Min, you okay?” One hand reaches out for him and Minseok feels helpless to do anything but slip between Luhan and the counter, drawn in like a satellite.

They’ve been revolving around each other since Minseok was born, longer than that if he thinks about how Luhan had taken the same boat to America as his grandparents. There’s always been a gravity pulling them back together. It got a lot of things wrong along the way, pulling them together at the wrong time, keeping them apart when things would’ve worked out how they wanted them to. But they’re here now, falling into each other after long days. He doesn’t mind the pull anymore.

He slips between Luhan and the counter with a shy smile and watches as Luhan leans down to bump their foreheads together. “What’s wrong,” Luhan murmurs, “Did I do something?”

Minseok shakes his head. “No, it’s not you. It’s just – I…” He trails off and stares at Luhan’s sleepshirt instead of looking up to meet his eyes. “I didn’t mean to.”

“Didn’t mean to what?” When he looks up, Luhan’s eyes are sparkling the way they always do when he’s teasing or playing a joke. Minseok thinks Luhan already knows what he’s going to say. “What is it?”

“I moved in, I’m sorry.” And Luhan smiles so brightly, eyes crinkling at the edges as he laughs. Minseok laughs along, feeling the nervousness lift off his shoulders. Luhan crowds closer for a hug and keeps laughing. “I just figured it out today,” Minseok tries to fight down the blush when that only makes Luhan laugh more.

“I’ve known for a long time. I just wanted to wait until you figured it out before I said anything.”

“So it’s okay?”

Luhan pulls back from the hug with a furrowed brow. Minseok reaches out and pokes at it to make it smooth back out. It does, Luhan’s face easing back into a smile. “It’s more than okay. I’ve always wanted you close, Minseok. Stay as long as you want. I love you, why wouldn’t I want you to move in?”

Minseok’s heart thumps wildly in his chest. He knows Luhan loves him, has loved him since they met because the bond has so much more pull on demons than humans. He knows Luhan has said it before too, mostly when Minseok was falling asleep and it barely registered. This is the first time he’s said it like this, to Minseok’s face when he’s fully awake. He doesn’t think he loves Luhan back, not all the way, but the bond fills up with warmth and Minseok knows he could – he will.

He pulls Luhan down and presses their lips together for their first real kiss in a year. He hears the toast drop from where it’d been hanging in mid-air, the whisk goes flying somewhere across the kitchen. Minseok smiles into the kiss and feels Luhan smile back.

The bond sings so prettily between them, so full of light it’s blinding. Minseok pulls back from the kiss and thinks that Luhan’s smile is blinding too.

He doesn’t love Luhan entirely yet, but he will. Little by little, he’ll get there.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! If you enjoyed, please leave a kudos and comment!! If you want to talk to me, please come join me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/killmeDO), [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/killmeDO), and [Tumblr!](http://killmedo.tumblr.com) I'll be updating this hopefully every other week until it's complete!!
> 
>  
> 
> OKAY SO SPOILERS/WARNINGS!!!
> 
> While writing this, I realized it has a very dub-con/non-con vibe which is NOT what I wanted to give off at all. The theme for this was very much based around power dynamics and compromise and learning, but it wasn't supposed to be centered around the sex as much as it was centered around Luhan not understanding his own power in the bond and learning how to put himself on the same level as Minseok. The sex was consensual and I hope I made it clear that Minseok wasn't upset about the sexual aspect of everything. I just really, really, really want to get that across because I do NOT want it to seem like it's a rape victim falling in love with their rapist. If you see it that way, I can definitely see your point and totally understand if you would prefer not to read it, but please know that I worked this over A LOT to try and make it better and this is what I came up with at my current skill level.
> 
> That was the main one lol. SO!! For the emotional issues, which will appear in chapter two, Minseok has a brief moment of suicidal ideation. Not actually killing himself, but just wanting to go to sleep and not wake up/not existing. And I feel that he has some symptoms of depression (Luhan also mentions some symptoms of mental illness in chapter three). So Just letting you know!!


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